Nigerian,there are other things that add up to it.We Nigerian have very peculiar stuffs in common irrespective of our diverse culture and differences in religion.
Here are 15 things that shows you’re a typical Nigerian:
1.You Shout Up NEPA.
Power is still a big problem in Nigeria,if you’ve lived or still living in Nigeria you know what I am talking about. So you get excited and scream Up Nepa! when the electricity comes on? My friend you’re a Nigerian.
2.You wear Special Outfit for Sundays or Fridays.
We Nigerians are very Religious people and very few of us are Godly,sad truth. We don’t joke with our Religious activities. Most Nigerians reserve the best of the best clothes for Sundays (for the Christians) and Fridays(for the Muslims). In fact offering time in churches are like fashion shows with everyone trying to cat walk and show off their beautiful dresses .
3.You don’t ask people their age and you don’t like to tell people your age.
Except it’s something official we don’t like to tell or ask people their age. We Nigerians see asking someone’s age, especially if the person is older than you very disrespectful.
4.You’re boisterous and always Speak loud in Public.
Nigerians are very noisy and energetic people,it’s not difficult to identify a Nigerian when you find yourself at International airports. We speak loud with confidence ,you hear phrases like “Do you know who I am?” “My friend I will get you locked up!”
5.You call people you are not familiar with names like:
Chairman,Oga,Uncle,Aunty,Bros,Sister etc.
6.You have two Phones to yourself alone:
Most Nigerians living in Nigeria own two phones ,not just to show off but because of the unstable power and mobile network services ,you can’t just rely on one network or phone. If mtn doesn’t have network you quickly pick up your etisalat sim card.
7.You’re materialistic and like to flaunt your wealth at the slightest opportunity given.
The Rich Nigerians are really really rich. We buy things we don’t need just solely to fit in with everyone else. Your Facebook updates are things like “Lekkibeach chilling”,”Dubai things”,”Money on my mind” then just know you’re a Typical Nigerian etc
8.You’re always extremely security conscious and watchful.
A Typical Nigerian person is always watching for safety.He doesn’t trust anyone around him,everyone is a suspect.He doesn’t keep his phone carelessly ‘cos he knows someone is waiting for such opportunity to steal it. I once traveled somewhere abroad, and the guy who came for me at the airport was telling me how unsafe the place was and why I should keep my belongings safe. I just looked at him and smiled. Wish he knew how security conscious we Nigerians are by default.
9.You have relatives that you can’t even explain in simple terms how they are related to you.
I hear things like, 'Hmm Mayo here is my relative,' Kemi ,she is my Fathers brother’s wife cousin’s friend’s Husband.' I am like WTH!!
10.You always like to cook Jollof Rice when you have Big Occasions
.
11.You use very often phrases like:
Eh wo, Ehen, Chineke, Che, Ah-Ah, Yepa! God forbid , by God’s Grace,Nawa o!Wetin sef!No worry ,Go joor! etc
12.You know what chin chin, puff puff, or moin moin are
13.You’ve never or rarely visit the dentist/hospital because you don’t see any reason for that and consider it waste of money.
Nigerians only visit a dentist office when there is no other remedy. Visiting a dentist for normal check-up is not an everyday thing in Nigeria.
14.You like to add “O” to a lot of your talk.
e.g Na wa o,Leave me o,O boy!,Na Now o!
15.You read all the above 14 signs and smiled in between
Proudly a Nigerian,are you?
Wednesday 31 December 2014
THANKS FOR BEING THERE ALL THROUGH 2014
Want to use this medium to thank GOD
ALMIGHTY for how far He has taken us this 2014. For His abundant grace,
infinite mercy, undying love, unlimited favour etc that He has bestowed upon us,
indeed 2014 has been a great and wonderful year.
Also want to appreciate and say a very big “THANK YOU” to everyone who has been part of me, myself and I (KIP SMILN’) one way or the other, families,
friends, colleagues, clients, mentors, advisers, benefactors, partners, those
who left and all those who joined me, in short, everyone everyone, I’ve really had
a nice experience with you all. I look forward to a great and splendid 2015
together. I wish you all a remarkable 2015. gbrrrrrriiiiiiiii!!!
Happy New Year 2015!!!!!!!!!
Signed:
Your Ever
Skibandicious Entertainer,
KIP SMILN’,
CEO, Kip
Smiln’ Concepts
Grand
Chairman, Committee on Smiles Allocation and Tension Easing.
08061500579,
07051112897
Facebook:
Kip Smiln
Twitter:
@kipsmiln
LinkedIn:
Kip Smiln
Bbm:
2ADC64A7
Blog:
www.kipsmiln.blogspot.com
********Before I forget, big
time shout out to all network service providers in Nigeria (Glo, MTN, Airtel), THANK
YOU VERY MUCH. Hoping for a better service provision from you come 2015, that
won’t involve you disturbing me with your messages and deducting my airtime for
the caller tunes I never subscribed for (and which I don’t want). **********
New Year Resolution Ideas
New Year's Eve has always been a time for looking back to the past, and more importantly, forward to the coming year. It's a time to reflect on the changes we want (or need) to make and resolve to follow through on those changes.
Below Are The Commonly Made New Year Resolutions You Can Chose From.
1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends
Recent polls conducted by General Nutrition Centers, Quicken, and others shows that more than 50% of Professionals vow to appreciate loved ones and spend more time with family and friends this year.
Will you do the same?
2. Fit in Fitness
Regular exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything else known to man. Studies show that it reduces the risk of some cancers, increases longevity, helps achieve and maintain weight loss, enhances mood, lowers blood pressure, and even improves arthritis. In short, exercise keeps you healthy and makes you look and feel better so make exercise a priority.
3. Quit Womanizing.
Just like drinking and smoking, a lot of people have promise to stamp out their womanizing habit this year. Would you wanna join them? It is a nice idea and you won't regret doing it it.
4. Quit Smoking
If you have resolved to make this the year that you stamp out your smoking habit, over-the-counter availability of nicotine replacement therapy now provides easier access to proven quit-smoking aids. Even if you've tried to quit before and failed, don't let it get you down. On average, smokers try about four times before they quit for good. Start enjoying the rest of your smoke-free life!
5. Enjoy Life More
Given the hectic, stressful lifestyles of Nigerians, it is no wonder that "enjoying life more" has become a popular resolution in recent years. It's an important step to a happier and healthier you!
6. Quit Drinking
While many people use the New Year as an incentive to finally stop drinking, most are not equipped to make such a drastic lifestyle change all at once. Many heavy drinkers fail to quit cold turkey but do much better when they taper gradually, or even learn to moderate their drinking. If you have decided that you want to stop drinking, there is a world of help and support available.
7. Get Out of Debt
Was money a big source of stress in your life this year? Join the millions of People who have resolved to spend 2015 getting a handle on their finances. It's a promise that will repay itself many times over in the year ahead.
8. Learn Something New
Have you vowed to make this year the year to learn something new? Perhaps you are considering a career change, want to learn a new language, or just how to fix your computer? Whether you take a course or read a book, you'll find education to be one of the easiest, most motivating New Year's resolutions to keep.
9. Be Good And Help Others
A popular, non-selfish New Year's resolution, volunteerism can take many forms. Whether you choose to spend time helping out at your local library, mentoring a child, building a house, or Helping the poors and needy in your street, there are many nonprofit volunteer organizations that could really use your help.
10. Get Organized
On just about every New Year resolution, organization can be a very reasonable goal. Whether you want your home organized enough that you can invite someone over on a whim, or your life so you can attract your dream person, or your office organized enough that you can find the stapler when you need it, these tips and resources should get you started on the way to a more organized life.
Additional Resolutions:
11. Quit negative people
12. Fight hard for what you believe in..
13. Be consistent in your tithe payment
14. Invest
15. Be happy always, no matter what.
Below Are The Commonly Made New Year Resolutions You Can Chose From.
1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends
Recent polls conducted by General Nutrition Centers, Quicken, and others shows that more than 50% of Professionals vow to appreciate loved ones and spend more time with family and friends this year.
Will you do the same?
2. Fit in Fitness
Regular exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything else known to man. Studies show that it reduces the risk of some cancers, increases longevity, helps achieve and maintain weight loss, enhances mood, lowers blood pressure, and even improves arthritis. In short, exercise keeps you healthy and makes you look and feel better so make exercise a priority.
3. Quit Womanizing.
Just like drinking and smoking, a lot of people have promise to stamp out their womanizing habit this year. Would you wanna join them? It is a nice idea and you won't regret doing it it.
4. Quit Smoking
If you have resolved to make this the year that you stamp out your smoking habit, over-the-counter availability of nicotine replacement therapy now provides easier access to proven quit-smoking aids. Even if you've tried to quit before and failed, don't let it get you down. On average, smokers try about four times before they quit for good. Start enjoying the rest of your smoke-free life!
5. Enjoy Life More
Given the hectic, stressful lifestyles of Nigerians, it is no wonder that "enjoying life more" has become a popular resolution in recent years. It's an important step to a happier and healthier you!
6. Quit Drinking
While many people use the New Year as an incentive to finally stop drinking, most are not equipped to make such a drastic lifestyle change all at once. Many heavy drinkers fail to quit cold turkey but do much better when they taper gradually, or even learn to moderate their drinking. If you have decided that you want to stop drinking, there is a world of help and support available.
7. Get Out of Debt
Was money a big source of stress in your life this year? Join the millions of People who have resolved to spend 2015 getting a handle on their finances. It's a promise that will repay itself many times over in the year ahead.
8. Learn Something New
Have you vowed to make this year the year to learn something new? Perhaps you are considering a career change, want to learn a new language, or just how to fix your computer? Whether you take a course or read a book, you'll find education to be one of the easiest, most motivating New Year's resolutions to keep.
9. Be Good And Help Others
A popular, non-selfish New Year's resolution, volunteerism can take many forms. Whether you choose to spend time helping out at your local library, mentoring a child, building a house, or Helping the poors and needy in your street, there are many nonprofit volunteer organizations that could really use your help.
10. Get Organized
On just about every New Year resolution, organization can be a very reasonable goal. Whether you want your home organized enough that you can invite someone over on a whim, or your life so you can attract your dream person, or your office organized enough that you can find the stapler when you need it, these tips and resources should get you started on the way to a more organized life.
Additional Resolutions:
11. Quit negative people
12. Fight hard for what you believe in..
13. Be consistent in your tithe payment
14. Invest
15. Be happy always, no matter what.
Sleepless Ordeals of Nigerians
The stress levels in Nigeria can reach alarming levels. In no other nation on earth, could you experience the joys and frustrations of living at the same time. You could be stuck in gridlocked traffic, look out of your car window and see an act that would make you smile or cry this morning – like complete strangers helping a driver to jump-start a faulty car.
We deal with so much in a typical day – traffic scrambles, work, business hustles, power outages etc etc. Insomnia, while it is a word that most may have heard about, is not something that you would ascribe to the typical Nigerian.
Here, it is presumed that once you have a roof over your head and can afford a decent Mouka or Vitafoam ‘mattrass’, then you should be able to catch 40 winks. If you buy and lay a bed, then you should lie on it and shut your eyes. Only ‘winches’ and ‘armed robbers’ stay awake at night. Okay, noodles/mai-shy (fried egg) sellers do too, especially in the Rumuokoro ,Obalenda and Ojuelegba areas. In Naija, we also used to have ‘night-soil men’ who packed faeces from homes for a fee in a huge bucket, but ‘soak-away’ (septic tank) people have replaced them in most urban areas. Those night-soil men used to operate in the dead of the night because their job was really gross. Heaven help you, if you laughed or snickered at them, as they carried their load in a huge pan on their head. They would usually send a few your way.
However, I find myself up nowadays, just like last night sleepless and anxious, starring at the roof tiles and the swoosh of my Binatone ceiling fan. There are many things that would keep someone awake on a hot Nigerian night,yes..hot,forget harmattan,e no reach my side. There are many; please share yours:
Baygon ,Swan, Kill it and Shelltox defying mosquitoes singing in my ear and biting lumps out of me – I can’t go to sleep.
Noisy inconsiderate neighbors having a typical Portharcourt party on the street, with Timaya's music blasting from huge speakers – I can’t go to sleep.
‘Man Shall Not Live By Bread’ Ministries holding a ‘By Fire, By Thunder’ revival vigil next door – I can’t go to sleep.
Armed robbers sent my street residents a notice to keep our valuables and cash ready as they are coming to make their rounds this week – I can’t go to sleep.
Armed robbers make good on their promise, and are now operating and collecting the rent and other monies in our Landlord’s ground floor apartment right now – I can’t go to sleep.
The sound of the exchange of gunfire in the distance, between SARS agents and robbers is just like a scene from Rambo 2 – I nor fit sleep o.
Our transformer blew up and has not be functional for 2 months now, so I am in pitch darkness, and starting to make out gruesome figures in the dark – how I go fit sleep?
The loud clank and stutter of my neighbour’s ‘Pure Water’ plant as he produces sachets for sale day and night in a room in his flat, in defiance of NAFDAC – I can’t go to sleep.
Free Glo midnight calls from cheapskate dates who would never spend a penny – I can’t go to sleep.
Writhing from side to side, thinking of elaborate schemes to come up with the cash to pay 2 years rent even though my salary is only paid monthly – I can’t go to sleep.
Staying awake to check my window every now and again because the mai-guard sleeps on duty instead of doing his job – I can’t go to sleep.
The roar and fumes of my neighbour’s ‘I better pass my neighbour’ generator from just outside my window despite the fact we agreed that he should install a silencer – I can’t go to sleep.
The groans and moans coming from Mr. Okafor’s window as he loads his wife again for the umpteenth time this night, even though the number of children they have are almost a complete football team – I can’t go to sleep.
The putrid smell of fried fish mixed with the bad ooze of stagnant gutter coming from the opposite “Face Me, I Face You’ building – I can’t go to sleep.
Airtel sending uncountable ‘balance reminder’ or ‘marketing information’ SMS messages,even giving me Calss at all hours of the day – I can’t go to sleep.
I did the 0-1-0 diet plan today because I was too broke to afford foodstuffs – I can’t go to sleep.
They have laid off most of the workers in my department, except the Boss’s girlfriend and people from his village; I may be next – I can’t go to sleep.
Infact,Nigerians we Dey Try!
#FromASoberNigerian#
We deal with so much in a typical day – traffic scrambles, work, business hustles, power outages etc etc. Insomnia, while it is a word that most may have heard about, is not something that you would ascribe to the typical Nigerian.
Here, it is presumed that once you have a roof over your head and can afford a decent Mouka or Vitafoam ‘mattrass’, then you should be able to catch 40 winks. If you buy and lay a bed, then you should lie on it and shut your eyes. Only ‘winches’ and ‘armed robbers’ stay awake at night. Okay, noodles/mai-shy (fried egg) sellers do too, especially in the Rumuokoro ,Obalenda and Ojuelegba areas. In Naija, we also used to have ‘night-soil men’ who packed faeces from homes for a fee in a huge bucket, but ‘soak-away’ (septic tank) people have replaced them in most urban areas. Those night-soil men used to operate in the dead of the night because their job was really gross. Heaven help you, if you laughed or snickered at them, as they carried their load in a huge pan on their head. They would usually send a few your way.
However, I find myself up nowadays, just like last night sleepless and anxious, starring at the roof tiles and the swoosh of my Binatone ceiling fan. There are many things that would keep someone awake on a hot Nigerian night,yes..hot,forget harmattan,e no reach my side. There are many; please share yours:
Baygon ,Swan, Kill it and Shelltox defying mosquitoes singing in my ear and biting lumps out of me – I can’t go to sleep.
Noisy inconsiderate neighbors having a typical Portharcourt party on the street, with Timaya's music blasting from huge speakers – I can’t go to sleep.
‘Man Shall Not Live By Bread’ Ministries holding a ‘By Fire, By Thunder’ revival vigil next door – I can’t go to sleep.
Armed robbers sent my street residents a notice to keep our valuables and cash ready as they are coming to make their rounds this week – I can’t go to sleep.
Armed robbers make good on their promise, and are now operating and collecting the rent and other monies in our Landlord’s ground floor apartment right now – I can’t go to sleep.
The sound of the exchange of gunfire in the distance, between SARS agents and robbers is just like a scene from Rambo 2 – I nor fit sleep o.
Our transformer blew up and has not be functional for 2 months now, so I am in pitch darkness, and starting to make out gruesome figures in the dark – how I go fit sleep?
The loud clank and stutter of my neighbour’s ‘Pure Water’ plant as he produces sachets for sale day and night in a room in his flat, in defiance of NAFDAC – I can’t go to sleep.
Free Glo midnight calls from cheapskate dates who would never spend a penny – I can’t go to sleep.
Writhing from side to side, thinking of elaborate schemes to come up with the cash to pay 2 years rent even though my salary is only paid monthly – I can’t go to sleep.
Staying awake to check my window every now and again because the mai-guard sleeps on duty instead of doing his job – I can’t go to sleep.
The roar and fumes of my neighbour’s ‘I better pass my neighbour’ generator from just outside my window despite the fact we agreed that he should install a silencer – I can’t go to sleep.
The groans and moans coming from Mr. Okafor’s window as he loads his wife again for the umpteenth time this night, even though the number of children they have are almost a complete football team – I can’t go to sleep.
The putrid smell of fried fish mixed with the bad ooze of stagnant gutter coming from the opposite “Face Me, I Face You’ building – I can’t go to sleep.
Airtel sending uncountable ‘balance reminder’ or ‘marketing information’ SMS messages,even giving me Calss at all hours of the day – I can’t go to sleep.
I did the 0-1-0 diet plan today because I was too broke to afford foodstuffs – I can’t go to sleep.
They have laid off most of the workers in my department, except the Boss’s girlfriend and people from his village; I may be next – I can’t go to sleep.
Infact,Nigerians we Dey Try!
#FromASoberNigerian#
Tuesday 30 December 2014
NEW CHEAT CODE
MTN 7GB FOR #100 Finally it's here: How to get MTN 7GB for just N100 naira this is tested and working, make sure you are on MTNipulse, if not dial *406# & Now load N100 MTN. Card. Then send 219 to 33333..... you will get a reply saying. "DEAR Criminal, how u wan take get 7GB forN100 Naira, una think say we be father Christmas
AS A CHILD
―If u didn't kill earthworm wit salt.
― If u didn't play rubber band.
― If u neva played in the rain.
― If nobody told u about India vs Nigeria 99-1.
― If u didn't sleep on d couch & wake up on d... bed.
― if u didn't throw ur milk tooth on d roof 4 the lizards 2 take it & give u new ones.
― If u didn't act film in uncompleted building or under bed wit friends.
― If u never flew a kite.
― If u didn't use ur 2 legs to build houses wit sand.
― If u didn't write ur name on paper & insert into ur pen so that no 1 will steal it.
― If u didn't close d fridge door really slowly 2 c when d lights went off.
― If u neva waved @ white birds expecting ur nails 2 b whiter
― If u didn't drive a single car Tyre wit a stick & called it ur car!
― If u didn't mix garri n sugar in ur pocket & eat while walking on d street.
―If u never did mama and papa play.
― If u didn't play bottle cover ball (canter ball).
― If u didn't play rubber band.
― If u neva played in the rain.
― If nobody told u about India vs Nigeria 99-1.
― If u didn't sleep on d couch & wake up on d... bed.
― if u didn't throw ur milk tooth on d roof 4 the lizards 2 take it & give u new ones.
― If u didn't act film in uncompleted building or under bed wit friends.
― If u never flew a kite.
― If u didn't use ur 2 legs to build houses wit sand.
― If u didn't write ur name on paper & insert into ur pen so that no 1 will steal it.
― If u didn't close d fridge door really slowly 2 c when d lights went off.
― If u neva waved @ white birds expecting ur nails 2 b whiter
― If u didn't drive a single car Tyre wit a stick & called it ur car!
― If u didn't mix garri n sugar in ur pocket & eat while walking on d street.
―If u never did mama and papa play.
― If u didn't play bottle cover ball (canter ball).
Then I guess ur Childhood wasn't Fun.......forward this to ur frnds if u missed childhood.
HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE! GREATER 2015 I pray 4 u!
HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE! GREATER 2015 I pray 4 u!
ZENITH PENSIONS CUSTODIAN COMEDIAN OF THE YEAR
LIFE AS WE SEE IT
A pinch of salt to you, is an heap to the ant. That little thing you don't value, is priceless to someone else. Value every little thing you have. - KipSmiln' (2014)
LOVE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.
To Those Who Are...NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's 'perfect person.' It's about finding someone who helps you become the best... person you can be.
To Those Who Are ... A PLAYER
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruellest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...
To Those Who Are... ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.
To Those Who Are .. HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.
To Those Who Are...NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.
To Those Who Are .. POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.
To Those Who Are... AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.
To Those Who Are .. STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go
And To Those Who Are ...MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.'
Lets always remember this:
"Love must be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honour. Do not lack diligence; be fervent in spirit; serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer. Share with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality." - Romans 12:9-13
..........#KipSmiln'
Never say 'I love you' if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie. The cruellest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...
To Those Who Are... ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.
To Those Who Are .. HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.
To Those Who Are...NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.
To Those Who Are .. POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.
To Those Who Are... AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.
To Those Who Are .. STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go
And To Those Who Are ...MARRIED
Love is not about 'it's your fault', but 'I'm sorry.' Not 'where are you', but 'I'm right here.' Not 'how could you', but 'I understand.' Not 'I wish you were', but 'I'm thankful you are.'
Lets always remember this:
"Love must be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honour. Do not lack diligence; be fervent in spirit; serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer. Share with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality." - Romans 12:9-13
..........#KipSmiln'
GBAM
Physics Teacher: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?
Donald: Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.
*GBAM*
Donald: Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.
*GBAM*
....TICALLY
Listenin To P square's Song PERSONNALLY, Though I lik d Song a lot but which one b Haba~HABATICALLY abeg dat Grammar na for Dictionary? Nawa oo NAWATICALLY, • # laffin# so make we Kukuma dey "LAFFTICALLY" Na Psquare talk am O TALKAMATICALLY, una GOODMORNITICALLY" How was ur NIGHTICALLY ? do u av lovely DREAMATICALLY? Listenin To P square's Song PERSONNALLY, Though I lik d Song a lot but which one b Haba~HABATICALLY abeg dat Grammar na for Dictionary? Nawa oo NAWATICALLY, • # ...laffin# so make we Kukuma dey "LAFFTICALLY" Na Psquare talk am O TALKAMATICALLY, una GOODMORNITICALLY" How was ur NIGHTICALLY ? do u av lovely DREAMATICALLY? hav a lovely DAYTICALLY nd happy WEEKENDTICALLY. KIP SMILINTICALLY i'msayin GOODMORNITICALLY 2 α̲̅ swit DAMSELTICALLY!!! KIP SMILINTICALLY i'msayin GOODMORNITICALLY hav a lovely DAYTICALLY!!!!!
SERIOUSTICALY....dnt quarel with your boss TODAYTICALLY.........gbrrrriiiiTICALLY
THE STAIN
Just checking achieve, and saw this Love the story so much. Read and learn Its a true life mind blasting story. We have to be prayerful, my people!!!
He was dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot.
The lady lost her senses. It was only after some time that she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he died horribly...y.
Two nights later, the lady's mother had a dream in which she saw an old woman. The old woman told her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But the mother ignored the dream. The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the lady had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream.
Her mother told her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately. She washed the stains but some remained.
The next night she again had the same dreams again, washed the stains but some still remained. The same dream was repeated the next night again and this time the old woman gave her a last-warning to wash the bloodstain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the lady tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained. She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked the door. And when she opened the door she saw the same old woman of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted. The old woman woke her up and gave her a blue box, which shocked the lady. And the lady asked, "What is this?"
The old woman replied, "New Improved Blue Omo Washing Powder, it removes all stubborn stains!!!"
He was dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot.
The lady lost her senses. It was only after some time that she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he died horribly...y.
Two nights later, the lady's mother had a dream in which she saw an old woman. The old woman told her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But the mother ignored the dream. The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the lady had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream.
Her mother told her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately. She washed the stains but some remained.
The next night she again had the same dreams again, washed the stains but some still remained. The same dream was repeated the next night again and this time the old woman gave her a last-warning to wash the bloodstain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the lady tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained. She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked the door. And when she opened the door she saw the same old woman of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted. The old woman woke her up and gave her a blue box, which shocked the lady. And the lady asked, "What is this?"
The old woman replied, "New Improved Blue Omo Washing Powder, it removes all stubborn stains!!!"
.....kip smiln's d name and I'm ever ready to put smiles on your face anyday, anytime..........grrrrrriiiiiiiii
THE CUP OR THE COFFEE
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit the conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in their work and lives.
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.
When all the alumni had a cup of coffee in hand, the Professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking; expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups and then you began eyeing each other's cups.
Now consider this: Life is the coffee; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The type of cup one has does not define, nor change the quality of life a person lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us"
God makes the coffee, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best out of everything.
Live simply for others to simply live. Love generously and you will surely be loved. Care deeply and get the best care you deserve. Speak kindly and God will surely bless you.
Enjoy your coffee!
Now consider this: Life is the coffee; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The type of cup one has does not define, nor change the quality of life a person lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us"
God makes the coffee, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best out of everything.
Live simply for others to simply live. Love generously and you will surely be loved. Care deeply and get the best care you deserve. Speak kindly and God will surely bless you.
Enjoy your coffee!
MY IBADAN PEOPLE
See me see ish with IBADAN people.....just entering IBADAN.....and i'v seen enough wonders in less than an hour......just imagine....
1. This IBADAN restaurant says "MeatpieN120"... "Meatpie (with Gen) N150
2. This Ibadan man just got hit by a pick-up, he stood up, cursed the driver, then fell down & started groaning...
3. Imagine this Ibadan babe in a BBM group asking me "are you on BBM??"...
4. Just in my front right now, this Ibadan babe wet her finger with her tongue just because she wants to flip a page on her touch screens.
5. A Typical Ibadan Man sprays all his Money at a Party & Treks home.
6. Na wa oooo......This IBADAN Girl just asked for an ipad in a daily need/provision store.......she thinks its a PAD used to stop Menstrual Flow
7. Just confirmed that Ibadan Girls knows CURSES $ ABUSES more than BIBLE VERSES
8. See height of personal hygeine, this Ibadan girl is using fork to eat popcorn.
9. See this Ibadan driver using his hand to trafficate when his trafficator is working itself.
10. Ibadan Boys are Free because their Girls think KFC is a Football Club and those who even know its not a football club thinks TFC and KFC are twin.
11. BREAKING NEWS: Just heard now that KFC closes all branches in Ibadan.. Reportsays people just come in, take pictures & leave.....gbam....LOBATAN
4. Just in my front right now, this Ibadan babe wet her finger with her tongue just because she wants to flip a page on her touch screens.
5. A Typical Ibadan Man sprays all his Money at a Party & Treks home.
6. Na wa oooo......This IBADAN Girl just asked for an ipad in a daily need/provision store.......she thinks its a PAD used to stop Menstrual Flow
7. Just confirmed that Ibadan Girls knows CURSES $ ABUSES more than BIBLE VERSES
8. See height of personal hygeine, this Ibadan girl is using fork to eat popcorn.
9. See this Ibadan driver using his hand to trafficate when his trafficator is working itself.
10. Ibadan Boys are Free because their Girls think KFC is a Football Club and those who even know its not a football club thinks TFC and KFC are twin.
11. BREAKING NEWS: Just heard now that KFC closes all branches in Ibadan.. Reportsays people just come in, take pictures & leave.....gbam....LOBATAN
Seeing is believing.....i'v gotten pictures as proofs of all this.....if interested.......contact
08061500579, 07051112897
ff: @kipsmiln
Its ur gbangbciouslie dunduskie nawatramingonaganga ever skibandicious entertainer/presenter/MC/comedian..........ME, MYSELF and I....kip smiln'.........and he's ready2put smiles on your face, make your events (weddings, Birthday, Concerts, Launching, Seminers, Summits, Adverts......) classy, funfilled, well organised, well pakaged and also thrill your guests to the fullest...........gbbbrrrriiiiii
08061500579, 07051112897
ff: @kipsmiln
Its ur gbangbciouslie dunduskie nawatramingonaganga ever skibandicious entertainer/presenter/MC/comedian..........ME, MYSELF and I....kip smiln'.........and he's ready2put smiles on your face, make your events (weddings, Birthday, Concerts, Launching, Seminers, Summits, Adverts......) classy, funfilled, well organised, well pakaged and also thrill your guests to the fullest...........gbbbrrrriiiiii
For sometime now, I'v being thinking about why we shout when in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?' Someone said, because we lose our calm. But why shout when the other person is just next to you? Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? I'v had the opportunity of interviewing lot of people with regards to this question. They all gave different answers but the fact's I'm not really satisfied with those answers. I kept asking, then... lately I got a rhema in Proverbs 15:1. This passage made me undastand that, 'when two people are angry at each other, there is a distance in their hearts psychologically. To cover the distance, they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are,the stronger they will shout to hear each other through that great distance. Picture two people who are really in love with eachother, having swell time together, in a romantic mood. They won't shout at each other at that time but rather talk softly. Why? Because their hearts are psychologically close. The distance between them is very close. When they love each other even more, what happens? They don't speak, only whisper and they even get closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all.
So next time you shout at a loved one, know that you are creating distance between your heart and that person’s heart.
Proverbs 15:1 says "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Do have a splendid weekend....kip smiln'
So next time you shout at a loved one, know that you are creating distance between your heart and that person’s heart.
Proverbs 15:1 says "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Do have a splendid weekend....kip smiln'
A WARNING TO PARENTS, (PARENTS TO BE) AND GUARDIANS!!!
Was in a lecture on Parental Trainning - YOU $ YOUR LITTLE ONES, and I think it will be helpfull to share somethings I got with everyone;
•Warn your daughter never to sit on anyone’s laps no matter the relationship, even uncles....
•Avoid getting dressed in front of your child once he/she is 2years old. Learn to excuse yourself.
•If you have to hire a house-help, kindly take them for HIV screening to determine their status, properly interview them and make up your mind to
treat them well.
•Never allow any adult refer to your new born as ‘my wife’ or ‘my husband’.
•Never tempt your husband with your sister or friend or else he’d say it's hers and the devil’s fault.
•Avoid unnecessary familiarity with the opposite sex and make sure you take care of your husband yourself so as not to lead him into temptation.
•Whenever your child goes out to play with friends, make sure you look for a way to find out the kind of play they played together, as young people sexually abuse themselves now.
•Never force your child to visit any adult he/she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes fond of a particular adult.
•Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn, you might need to patiently ask a lot of questions.
•If you don’t teach your children about sex, the society will teach them the wrong values and most likely, in very hard ways.
•It's always advisable you go through any new material like cartoons you buy for them before they start seeing it themselves.
•Teach your 3year olds how to wash their private parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone, including you, touch those areas. Remember, charity begins at home and with YOU.
•Blacklist all materials you think could threaten the sanity of your child, that is, music, movies and musicians, and let them understand the value of standing out of the crowd.
•Once your child complains about a particular person, don’t keep quiet about it. Take up the case and show you can always defend him/her!
Was in a lecture on Parental Trainning - YOU $ YOUR LITTLE ONES, and I think it will be helpfull to share somethings I got with everyone;
•Warn your daughter never to sit on anyone’s laps no matter the relationship, even uncles....
•Avoid getting dressed in front of your child once he/she is 2years old. Learn to excuse yourself.
•If you have to hire a house-help, kindly take them for HIV screening to determine their status, properly interview them and make up your mind to
treat them well.
•Never allow any adult refer to your new born as ‘my wife’ or ‘my husband’.
•Never tempt your husband with your sister or friend or else he’d say it's hers and the devil’s fault.
•Avoid unnecessary familiarity with the opposite sex and make sure you take care of your husband yourself so as not to lead him into temptation.
•Whenever your child goes out to play with friends, make sure you look for a way to find out the kind of play they played together, as young people sexually abuse themselves now.
•Never force your child to visit any adult he/she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes fond of a particular adult.
•Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn, you might need to patiently ask a lot of questions.
•If you don’t teach your children about sex, the society will teach them the wrong values and most likely, in very hard ways.
•It's always advisable you go through any new material like cartoons you buy for them before they start seeing it themselves.
•Teach your 3year olds how to wash their private parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone, including you, touch those areas. Remember, charity begins at home and with YOU.
•Blacklist all materials you think could threaten the sanity of your child, that is, music, movies and musicians, and let them understand the value of standing out of the crowd.
•Once your child complains about a particular person, don’t keep quiet about it. Take up the case and show you can always defend him/her!
*Now, if you find this useful enough, send to others. Thanks and God bless.....kip smiln'
Ladies of today would never seize to amuse me.
They hold the most expensive phones maybe because they know what they worth. if you check their phones, you'll notice its well covered with a phone-cover....the screen, well guarded with a screen guard....even the keypad is well protected with a keypad-protector. But ironically,most of them walk the streets with their bodies well exposed.
WHY???????Is it that their phones are worth
more than their bodies or they are yet to reco...gnize their worth as ladies?????
Some even have different tattoo on their bodies....and will still go ahead exposing it......well, i actualy have noting against that.....but just try to imagine and answer this on your own.....2 different cars - one of the most expensive car in the world... the Maybach Exelero and an ordinary Danfo/Molue - whichone often has writings on it....or which can you easily scratch to write something on?????........hmmmmmn.....KNOW AND ACT ACCORDING TO YOUR WORTH AND VALUE PLEASE.......Just my little observation.....no offence please.......Have a splendid day ahead....kip smiln'
They hold the most expensive phones maybe because they know what they worth. if you check their phones, you'll notice its well covered with a phone-cover....the screen, well guarded with a screen guard....even the keypad is well protected with a keypad-protector. But ironically,most of them walk the streets with their bodies well exposed.
WHY???????Is it that their phones are worth
more than their bodies or they are yet to reco...gnize their worth as ladies?????
Some even have different tattoo on their bodies....and will still go ahead exposing it......well, i actualy have noting against that.....but just try to imagine and answer this on your own.....2 different cars - one of the most expensive car in the world... the Maybach Exelero and an ordinary Danfo/Molue - whichone often has writings on it....or which can you easily scratch to write something on?????........hmmmmmn.....KNOW AND ACT ACCORDING TO YOUR WORTH AND VALUE PLEASE.......Just my little observation.....no offence please.......Have a splendid day ahead....kip smiln'
As many people are getting married today, I just thought of sharing some things I'v gotten to understand about relationship with my fellow singles.....those already in a relationship and youths generaly.....on ways to get an enjoyable......long lasting $ God fearing relationship...
1. First of all....know that "Not all relationships must lead to marriage". Some relationships are for a reason, others are for a season only few
are for a life time. If it doesn't work out don't k...ill yourself because it was for something. Discover the purpose and move on.
1. First of all....know that "Not all relationships must lead to marriage". Some relationships are for a reason, others are for a season only few
are for a life time. If it doesn't work out don't k...ill yourself because it was for something. Discover the purpose and move on.
2. Don't give a man or a woman the totality of your heart before giving the totality of your heart to God. Love that person but put God first.
3. Don't get carried away with beauty or money, "if that person's inner person cannot keep you, his money or her beauty cannot either".
4. Love is never enough, understanding, compatibility, wisdom, patience and tolerance are equally important.
5. When the negative signs are more than the positive signs. It is better to withdraw your heart before it gets 'broken'.
6. Extreme jealousy is the quickest way to break that relationship.
7. Don't demand trust, earn it or build it or show it.
8. Never you compare him or her to someone else.
9. Your relationship should not only be marriage driven but care, love and concern driven.
10. Don't marry him or her because you saw him or her in church. "Many are in church but not in touch with God".
11. Don't assume your partner knows everything you expect in a relationship. A relationship should be based on communication, not assumptions.
12. If God gives you the woman or man OF your dreams you may remain dreaming the remaining days of your life. God will only give you the woman or man FOR your dream not OF your
dreams.
13. Discover your purpose and you will attract the right person. If your heart is with God, He will keep men or women from tampering with it. Proverbs 23:26.
Have a splendid weekend....and all the best in your relationship/marriage....kip smiln'
3. Don't get carried away with beauty or money, "if that person's inner person cannot keep you, his money or her beauty cannot either".
4. Love is never enough, understanding, compatibility, wisdom, patience and tolerance are equally important.
5. When the negative signs are more than the positive signs. It is better to withdraw your heart before it gets 'broken'.
6. Extreme jealousy is the quickest way to break that relationship.
7. Don't demand trust, earn it or build it or show it.
8. Never you compare him or her to someone else.
9. Your relationship should not only be marriage driven but care, love and concern driven.
10. Don't marry him or her because you saw him or her in church. "Many are in church but not in touch with God".
11. Don't assume your partner knows everything you expect in a relationship. A relationship should be based on communication, not assumptions.
12. If God gives you the woman or man OF your dreams you may remain dreaming the remaining days of your life. God will only give you the woman or man FOR your dream not OF your
dreams.
13. Discover your purpose and you will attract the right person. If your heart is with God, He will keep men or women from tampering with it. Proverbs 23:26.
Have a splendid weekend....and all the best in your relationship/marriage....kip smiln'
A couple (Dave $ Linda) are fighting presently....this was what led to their fight
DAVE: “Baby, I’m gonna tell you a story with 4 parts. Remember that, 4 parts!”
LINDA: “Alright love..”
...
DAVE: “Baby, I’m gonna tell you a story with 4 parts. Remember that, 4 parts!”
LINDA: “Alright love..”
...
DAVE: “Okay, i’m gonna start with part 1..
There was a husband and a wife, they were driving to a campsite when they came upon a split road. The husband says “let’s take the
left one.” The wife says “I think we should
take the right road.” Then the husband slaps the wife across the face ” who’s driving,
me or you?!” and they take the left path.”
LINDA: “Hahahahahahaha haha”
DAVE: “Now i’m gonna tell you part 2.. Once they get to the campsite the husband goes fishing so his wife can cook their dinner. He comes back and the wife says “good now I can cook fish soup for us to eat!” The husband says “but I wanna eat fried fish” The wife slaps the husband across the face and says “who’s cooking me or you?!” and they end up drinking fish soup.
LINDA: “Oh crap!” lmao
DAVE: “Now I’m gonna tell you
part 4″
LINDA: “What about part 3?!”
DAVE: [Landed LINDA a hot slap across the face] who’s telling the story me or you!
.....Put a smile on your face....no matter condition.....feyiiinnn eeeeee...... Ur eva skibandicious entertainer.....kip smiln' says so....av a splendid 9t
There was a husband and a wife, they were driving to a campsite when they came upon a split road. The husband says “let’s take the
left one.” The wife says “I think we should
take the right road.” Then the husband slaps the wife across the face ” who’s driving,
me or you?!” and they take the left path.”
LINDA: “Hahahahahahaha haha”
DAVE: “Now i’m gonna tell you part 2.. Once they get to the campsite the husband goes fishing so his wife can cook their dinner. He comes back and the wife says “good now I can cook fish soup for us to eat!” The husband says “but I wanna eat fried fish” The wife slaps the husband across the face and says “who’s cooking me or you?!” and they end up drinking fish soup.
LINDA: “Oh crap!” lmao
DAVE: “Now I’m gonna tell you
part 4″
LINDA: “What about part 3?!”
DAVE: [Landed LINDA a hot slap across the face] who’s telling the story me or you!
.....Put a smile on your face....no matter condition.....feyiiinnn eeeeee...... Ur eva skibandicious entertainer.....kip smiln' says so....av a splendid 9t
A girl mistakly sent an sms 2 her father saying......."Sw@, i dnt wnt 2 abort dis pregnancy cuz i might damage my womb, dnt 4get dis wil b d 10th pregnancy i wil abort 4 u, bt dnt worry am preparing my parents food,i wil poison dem both so we cn acqiure their property 4 ourselves alone....luv u alwaz"
.........if u are the father....wat wil u do??????
.........if u are the father....wat wil u do??????
The spirit of the living God shall dwell with you, his divine blessing and good treasures are yours because you are created for a divine purpose for your family and your generations yet to come. God loves you and his shield is upon you always and his angels are surrounding you always in Jesus name. As the North is far from the South so shall failure and sickness be far from you in Jesus name. As the West is far from the East, so shall poverty and misfortune be far from you an...d your household in Jesus name. And as the walls surround Jerusalem, so shall God surround you with all the great treasures of life in Jesus name. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow you all the days of your life in Jesus Mighty name i pray. Amen.....
Its ur gbangbciouslie dunduskie nawatramingonaganga ever skibandicious entertainer/presenter/MC/comedian..........ME, MYSELF and I....kip smiln' sayin "HAVE A SPLENDID WEEK AHEAD"
OYA MAKE WE LEARN SHARP SHARP
Dis na for those wey no sabi the oyinbo name for we native foods, learn them now o.
(All na packaging sha...)
...
Dis na for those wey no sabi the oyinbo name for we native foods, learn them now o.
(All na packaging sha...)
...
1. Kuli kuli - Peanut bars
2. Donkuwa/ Robo Alata - Hot Charcolit nuts
3. Kilichi - Beef Crackers
4. Dundun/fried yam - Yamarita
5. Fried Potato - Potarita
6. Pako (Chewing stick) - Dental Sticks
7. Boli - Barbecue Plantain
8. Roasted corn - Corn Aflame
9. Eko/Agidi - Corn Jellos
10. Moin moin - Bean pie
11. Isi ewu - Goat-hedo lickins' (remember your fingers)
12. Garri - Grain o' fibres
13. Bokoto/ Nkwobi - Hoof salad
14. Ogi/Akamu - Corn Caramel
15. Kpof kpof - Energy Buns
16. Chin chin - Dough Rocks
17. Zobo - Juice Rosa Afrik
18. Kunnu - Grain Alive
19. Bread and Akara - Bean cake Burger
20. Ofada rice - Unpolished Rice for Vegetarian
21. Adalu(corn & beans) - Lentils & Grain Salad
22. Ifokore (yam porrige) - Continental Yam Casserole..
...and so on
Its stil ur LEARNED ........ SABI ALL ......... gbangbciouslie dunduskie nawatramingonaganga eva skibandicious entatainer/presenter/comedian..kip smiln'.........av a splendid....smilin 9t.........gbrrrriiiiiiii
2. Donkuwa/ Robo Alata - Hot Charcolit nuts
3. Kilichi - Beef Crackers
4. Dundun/fried yam - Yamarita
5. Fried Potato - Potarita
6. Pako (Chewing stick) - Dental Sticks
7. Boli - Barbecue Plantain
8. Roasted corn - Corn Aflame
9. Eko/Agidi - Corn Jellos
10. Moin moin - Bean pie
11. Isi ewu - Goat-hedo lickins' (remember your fingers)
12. Garri - Grain o' fibres
13. Bokoto/ Nkwobi - Hoof salad
14. Ogi/Akamu - Corn Caramel
15. Kpof kpof - Energy Buns
16. Chin chin - Dough Rocks
17. Zobo - Juice Rosa Afrik
18. Kunnu - Grain Alive
19. Bread and Akara - Bean cake Burger
20. Ofada rice - Unpolished Rice for Vegetarian
21. Adalu(corn & beans) - Lentils & Grain Salad
22. Ifokore (yam porrige) - Continental Yam Casserole..
...and so on
Its stil ur LEARNED ........ SABI ALL ......... gbangbciouslie dunduskie nawatramingonaganga eva skibandicious entatainer/presenter/comedian..kip smiln'.........av a splendid....smilin 9t.........gbrrrriiiiiiii
Do you need (or you know someone who needs.....or you know someone who knows someone who needs) a MC/Compere/Stand-up Comedian/Presenter/Toastmaster.....that will make your events (Carols, Weddings, Birthday, Concerts, Launching, Seminers, Summits, Adverts......) classy, funfilled, well organised, well pakaged and will thrill your guests to the fullest OR you need jingles (audio or video) and/or jingle placements on any media, to advertise and promote your goods and services...?????Then contact KIP SMILN' CONCEPTS today:
08061500579, 07051112897
ff: @kipsmiln
We're always set to render our gbangbciouslie dunduskie service for you.. To ease your tesion.....kip smiln'..........gbbbbrrrrriiiiii
ff: @kipsmiln
We're always set to render our gbangbciouslie dunduskie service for you.. To ease your tesion.....kip smiln'..........gbbbbrrrrriiiiii
kip smiln' concepts' saying a very big "THANK YOU" to all those who patronised us, stood by us and added value to us one way or the other all through 2013 - churches, organisations, communities, individuals etc - May God forever be there for you in all ways (AMEN). Looking forward to more and better relationship come 2014 as we are also set to render our best services (-MC/Compere/Stand-up Comedy/Presenting/Toastmaster/DJ/Jingles (Audio and Video) and/or Jingle placements on ...any media-) for you through GODs' grace and strength.
Signed:
Your gbangbciouslie dunduskie nawatramingonaganga ever skibandicious entatainer...........
KIP SMILN' (GCFR)
Chairman,
Committee on Smiles Allocation and Tension Easing
Contact:
08061500579, 07051112897
ff: @kipsmiln
pin: 305520C0
fb: kip smiln'
Your gbangbciouslie dunduskie nawatramingonaganga ever skibandicious entatainer...........
KIP SMILN' (GCFR)
Chairman,
Committee on Smiles Allocation and Tension Easing
Contact:
08061500579, 07051112897
ff: @kipsmiln
pin: 305520C0
fb: kip smiln'
Two donkeys were walking down the road in Jerusalem one day, One of the donkeys said "Nawa oo.. Yesterday i was carrying Jesus on my back, people were hailing me and screaming people even kept their clothes for me to walk on.......But today, no one even recognizes me"
The second donkey smiled and said "Hmmmmm.. Don't you know that you're nothing without Jesus"?????
IF YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT JESUS JUST Comment -"I BELONG TO HIM!"
...
The second donkey smiled and said "Hmmmmm.. Don't you know that you're nothing without Jesus"?????
IF YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT JESUS JUST Comment -"I BELONG TO HIM!"
...
We all at "KIP SMILN' CONCEPTS" wish you a GBRRRRRIIIIIILICIOUS MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thoughts for Today
Lets ponder on some of the real characteristics that should be evidenced as we pursue our relationship with God and draw closer to him. One such characteristic is "JOY".
Christianity is joyful. Joy is good for your health. During difficult times, we might not always have laughter, but God provides joy in all of our circumstances. The Bible describes practical steps to joy and ways to laugh more.
...
Lets ponder on some of the real characteristics that should be evidenced as we pursue our relationship with God and draw closer to him. One such characteristic is "JOY".
Christianity is joyful. Joy is good for your health. During difficult times, we might not always have laughter, but God provides joy in all of our circumstances. The Bible describes practical steps to joy and ways to laugh more.
...
Consider this ...
Try to stop taking yourself so seriously! Take time for laughter, for fellowship. Learn to enjoy yourself. Start each day out by rejoicing. Thank God for another day. Thank him for the opportunities ahead of you. Thank him for his love.
Involve happy people in your life. Smiling faces make you feel happy. Laughter is contagious.
Simplify your life in order to enjoy God's goodness. Sometimes we all get so involved in our "to-do" lists and worrying about tomorrow that we never enjoy the moment. Remember the old adage: Take time to smell the roses!
Always remember-Real Christians/ Real-people laugh!
...kip smiln'
Try to stop taking yourself so seriously! Take time for laughter, for fellowship. Learn to enjoy yourself. Start each day out by rejoicing. Thank God for another day. Thank him for the opportunities ahead of you. Thank him for his love.
Involve happy people in your life. Smiling faces make you feel happy. Laughter is contagious.
Simplify your life in order to enjoy God's goodness. Sometimes we all get so involved in our "to-do" lists and worrying about tomorrow that we never enjoy the moment. Remember the old adage: Take time to smell the roses!
Always remember-Real Christians/ Real-people laugh!
...kip smiln'
TRUE LIFE STORY!!!!!!
A man went 4 hair cut in a salon, as he was shaving he noticed a pretty lady sitting patiently in the shop. suddenly the man turned to the lady and said, "woman you are so pretty, can we meet later today?"the woman replied: I'm married, but d man continued, "and so? u can tell your husband you are going to the hospital to visit a friend and from there....woman replied: tell him yourself he is the one shaving your hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!hmmmmmm........What do ...you think happened next??
A man went 4 hair cut in a salon, as he was shaving he noticed a pretty lady sitting patiently in the shop. suddenly the man turned to the lady and said, "woman you are so pretty, can we meet later today?"the woman replied: I'm married, but d man continued, "and so? u can tell your husband you are going to the hospital to visit a friend and from there....woman replied: tell him yourself he is the one shaving your hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!hmmmmmm........What do ...you think happened next??
Monday 29 December 2014
Thought for the day/week:
Each night, when we go to sleep, we die. And the next morning, when we wake up, we are reborn. Let the first act of every birth (morning) be to make the following resolve for the day:
- I shall not fear anyone on Earth.
- I shall fear only God. ...
- I shall not bear ill will towards anyone.
- I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.
-I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
- I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.
-I shall hate the sin, but love the sinner.
Be the change that you wish to see in the world. A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Always keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. And keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.
As you go into a new life, all rebranded, always remember to "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. And Love as if your life/living depends on it."
Each night, when we go to sleep, we die. And the next morning, when we wake up, we are reborn. Let the first act of every birth (morning) be to make the following resolve for the day:
- I shall not fear anyone on Earth.
- I shall fear only God. ...
- I shall not bear ill will towards anyone.
- I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.
-I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
- I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.
-I shall hate the sin, but love the sinner.
Be the change that you wish to see in the world. A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Always keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. And keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.
As you go into a new life, all rebranded, always remember to "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. And Love as if your life/living depends on it."
Have a splendid time ahead
MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH.
* Abeg dress well.
* If I hear pim, u go hear weeen.
* Have they BROUGHT light?
* The FILM is SWEET...
* Pls help me SLOW the fan * Mummy HAVE come
* I’ll tell my daddy FOR YOU
* Have you paid your school fees
money?
* See as you BAFF up
* Put the bread inside LYLON * I strong KAKARAKA
* Oya come and be going
* I KUKUMA don’t have your time
* Shebi you have BB charger
* See how her eye is entering my food
* Did you see the sound of my ringtone?
* I know you have come since bcoz I
hear your
perfume.
* If i land u slap eh
* My daddy just go now now * My eyes is pushing me.
* I have see it bfor bfor.
* weytin de time dey nack
* if i crack your head eh
* bye bye, go come
* the food don done. I lie??
Oya na ya turn which one i no write??
make una cum dey go
It has long wen i saw her
pay ur money shapshap
Add yours abeg
* Abeg dress well.
* If I hear pim, u go hear weeen.
* Have they BROUGHT light?
* The FILM is SWEET...
* Pls help me SLOW the fan * Mummy HAVE come
* I’ll tell my daddy FOR YOU
* Have you paid your school fees
money?
* See as you BAFF up
* Put the bread inside LYLON * I strong KAKARAKA
* Oya come and be going
* I KUKUMA don’t have your time
* Shebi you have BB charger
* See how her eye is entering my food
* Did you see the sound of my ringtone?
* I know you have come since bcoz I
hear your
perfume.
* If i land u slap eh
* My daddy just go now now * My eyes is pushing me.
* I have see it bfor bfor.
* weytin de time dey nack
* if i crack your head eh
* bye bye, go come
* the food don done. I lie??
Oya na ya turn which one i no write??
make una cum dey go
It has long wen i saw her
pay ur money shapshap
Add yours abeg
Akpors and his wife were in court for divorce. The only problem left to settle was who gets custody of the child! The wife stood up and said: "your honor, I carried this child in my stomach for nine months and brought him into this world in pains and labour, he should be in my custody.
The Judge turns to Akpors and asks, what do you have to say to that? Akpors calmly replies: ”Your honor, if I put my ATM card into an ATM machine and money comes out, who owns the money, the ATM machine or me?
One word for Akpors this time around? + if you are the Judge, who gets custody of the child from this argument?
The Judge turns to Akpors and asks, what do you have to say to that? Akpors calmly replies: ”Your honor, if I put my ATM card into an ATM machine and money comes out, who owns the money, the ATM machine or me?
One word for Akpors this time around? + if you are the Judge, who gets custody of the child from this argument?
"Change is the only constant thing", so we hear. But how true is that? To what extent are we willing to accept change? What do we do when change comes knocking? Do we open up and embrace it or we just run away from it?
Hmmmn "CHANGE"!!!!
It comes in different areas, forms, shapes, styles and sizes. It could be a change of environment, job, dieting/eating patterns, style/looks, habits, way of living, friends(boyfriend/girlfriend inclusive), attitude towards things...and the list goes on and on.
Hmmmn "CHANGE"!!!!
It could be really hard for us to embrace change, especially when we are already used to something, someone or somewhere. Sometimes, we even crave for change but when the opportunity comes for the occurrence, we develop cold feet and find it hard to leave our comfort zone, forgetting the fact that the CHANGE will bring about a better comfort. The truth is that, most times, that change is what we really need and it is the solution to a problem or situation, even though we may not see it that way.
Hmmmn, "CHANGE"!!!
Funny enough, sometimes, we change when we don't actually need to, based on things happening around us, things in vogue or peer pressure. We just decide to change because everyone else is changing, thereby losing ourselves, throwing away who we really are. Remember, "A" and "B" ARE DOING IT LIKE THIS DOESNT MEAN "C" HAS TO DO IT SAME WAY".
Hmmmn, "CHANGE"!!!!
Change can be positive or negative. POSITIVE when it is ACTUALLY needed, and when embraced, it could turn our lives around for the better. And it can also be NEGATIVE in a case where it is detrimental to us, physically, emotionally, psychologically or spiritually.
Whichever category we find ourselves in, change is something that will definitely come our way. If we search ourselves deep down without being sentimental, we'll see there are one or two things that actually has to be changed. It takes acknowledging the fact that you need change, determination to change and zeal to pursue the change to make things work.
Hmmmn, "CHANGE"!!!!
Is there a bad habit you've been struggling with?
A frustrating job you have?
Someone that has really been hurting you but you think you can't do without?
Are you still harboring hatred/malice in your heart?
Have you lost your self respect in the bid to go with the crowd?
Have you held on for so long to a primitive lifestyle because you are afraid of change?........ Brace yourself, take the bold step of courage, because it's time to let go, it's time to move on and it's time to embrace change.
Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Leo Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
Barrack Obama said, "Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
kip smiln' is saying, "He who rejects CHANGE is the architect of decay". Embrace the necessary CHANGE today and start experiencing a new LIFE.
PRAYER: GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.
Compiled $ Written By: Sotunde Anuoluwapo Folakemi
Inspired $ Edited By: Akinsehinwa Kip Smiln' Matt
Hmmmn "CHANGE"!!!!
It comes in different areas, forms, shapes, styles and sizes. It could be a change of environment, job, dieting/eating patterns, style/looks, habits, way of living, friends(boyfriend/girlfriend inclusive), attitude towards things...and the list goes on and on.
Hmmmn "CHANGE"!!!!
It could be really hard for us to embrace change, especially when we are already used to something, someone or somewhere. Sometimes, we even crave for change but when the opportunity comes for the occurrence, we develop cold feet and find it hard to leave our comfort zone, forgetting the fact that the CHANGE will bring about a better comfort. The truth is that, most times, that change is what we really need and it is the solution to a problem or situation, even though we may not see it that way.
Hmmmn, "CHANGE"!!!
Funny enough, sometimes, we change when we don't actually need to, based on things happening around us, things in vogue or peer pressure. We just decide to change because everyone else is changing, thereby losing ourselves, throwing away who we really are. Remember, "A" and "B" ARE DOING IT LIKE THIS DOESNT MEAN "C" HAS TO DO IT SAME WAY".
Hmmmn, "CHANGE"!!!!
Change can be positive or negative. POSITIVE when it is ACTUALLY needed, and when embraced, it could turn our lives around for the better. And it can also be NEGATIVE in a case where it is detrimental to us, physically, emotionally, psychologically or spiritually.
Whichever category we find ourselves in, change is something that will definitely come our way. If we search ourselves deep down without being sentimental, we'll see there are one or two things that actually has to be changed. It takes acknowledging the fact that you need change, determination to change and zeal to pursue the change to make things work.
Hmmmn, "CHANGE"!!!!
Is there a bad habit you've been struggling with?
A frustrating job you have?
Someone that has really been hurting you but you think you can't do without?
Are you still harboring hatred/malice in your heart?
Have you lost your self respect in the bid to go with the crowd?
Have you held on for so long to a primitive lifestyle because you are afraid of change?........ Brace yourself, take the bold step of courage, because it's time to let go, it's time to move on and it's time to embrace change.
Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Leo Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
Barrack Obama said, "Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
kip smiln' is saying, "He who rejects CHANGE is the architect of decay". Embrace the necessary CHANGE today and start experiencing a new LIFE.
PRAYER: GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.
Compiled $ Written By: Sotunde Anuoluwapo Folakemi
Inspired $ Edited By: Akinsehinwa Kip Smiln' Matt
Yea., Its Monday morning and everyone's busy, but please just spare sometime to go through this. Stumbled upon it and decided to share.
Once a group of 500 people were attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each person a balloon. Each person was then asked to write their name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.
The people were then let into that room a...nd asked to find the balloon which had their name written on it within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos.
Once a group of 500 people were attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each person a balloon. Each person was then asked to write their name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.
The people were then let into that room a...nd asked to find the balloon which had their name written on it within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos.
At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon. Then, the speaker asked each person to randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.
The speaker then began, "This is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is. Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness. And this is the purpose of human life...THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS."
Have a splendid week ahead....KIP SMILN'
The speaker then began, "This is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is. Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness. And this is the purpose of human life...THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS."
Have a splendid week ahead....KIP SMILN'
GOD: Son what do you wish for??
JOHNNY: A job, big vehicle, lot of girls.
GOD: AMEN
Now, Johnny is a bus driver in a girls' school.
...
JOHNNY: A job, big vehicle, lot of girls.
GOD: AMEN
Now, Johnny is a bus driver in a girls' school.
...
Prayer works, it worked for Johnny and can work for you too...........BUT........BE SPECIFIC and CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU PRAY FOR
Good Morning, have a smiling day ahead
#KipSmiln'
Good Morning, have a smiling day ahead
#KipSmiln'
A WIFE’S UNFAILING LOVE FOR HER HUSBAND
I, Sarah Adams take you, Lawson Kuti as my lawful wedded husband, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do us part” she smiled at him through her veil.
“You may now kiss your bride Mr. Lawson” The Pastor beckoned.
Lawson’s heart raced as he gently unveiled his bride’s face. She looked so beautiful. He gently bent over and placed a soft kiss on her lips. Sarah in turn embraced him tightly with tears of joy streaming down her face.
“Never leave me Sarah” He whispered in her ear.
“I will never leave you” she whispered and they slowly released themselves from the embrace.
“I present to you the latest couple!” The Pastor exclaimed excitedly
The church cheered and Sarah cried more in her husband’s arms
5 years Later
Sarah silently tip toed behind her husband. He was in his study, engrossed in reading. She smiled to herself and gently covered his eyes with both hands.
“It’s just you and I in this house Sara, plus, I smelled you the moment you walked in” He dropped
Sara released her hold, sighed and sat on the study table, “Why do you figure me out so easily? I can’t even surprise you! That sucks” she curled her arms around his neck
“You are my wife, nothing you do is supposed to surprise me” He playfully pecked her nose.
“But you’ve been in the study all day and I’m bored!” She rolled her eyes
“So what kind of fun do you suggest we have then?” He swooped her off the table in his arms
“No! no that kind of fun!” She hit him playfully till he put her down
“Ok”, He folded his arms on his chest, looking into her eyes, “So what do you want us to do?”
“Not us. Actually, all I want is to play with your play station and you’ve hidden it again! Just give it to me and you can continue your reading, pleaaaseee” She blinked her eyes playfully
“No way”, He went back toward his study chair and sat, “Not my play station”
“Why! You never let me touch it…like its your baby” She sulked
“Well”, he rolled his eyes, “Not like you’ve given me a baby yet”
Sara paused for a moment. Did he just say that to her? The words struck her deep down
“You shouldn’t have said that Lawson…” She managed to say, her countenance changing.
“But it’s true…I’m only saying the truth Sara” He turned to face her, still sitting on the chair.
“The truth? You think I don’t want us to have kids?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that…” He stood to face her now.
“Then what are you saying Lawson? Tell me, what is the truth?”
“Let’s not do this today…please. You can have the play station and play all you want. It’s in my footwear locker and the key is in my Bible”
“You always do this…hurting me with your words” Her voice began to shake
“Don’t start Sara please”
“Tell me why you said those words to me! I want to know!”
“Because I’m tired! I want to be a father! I want to have my own kids Sara…”
” and you think I don’t?!” Sara flared, trying not to let the tears pour
“Then why can’t you get pregnant Sara? This is the fifth year we are trying.” He clenched his teeth and walked out of the study room.
Sara was in shock. She sat on the chair for some seconds, stood up again and sat on the chair again…this time she held on to her blouse and burst into tears.
2weeks after
“Lawson, wake up please” Sara tapped him
Lawson gently opened his eyes and looked at the alarm clock by his bedside, “It’s 2:00am Sara…”
“It’s urgent”
“I’m listening” He said drowsily
“Mother says we should come for tests. She says she’s spoken to her doctor and he said we should come.”
“What?” Lawson opened his eyes now, “Your mother is in the UK for Christ’s sakes”
“Let’s just do it. We can go for the weekend, lets just give it a shot, please.”
“No. That would be rather expensive and…”
“It’s my birthday today and the only thing I want from you is this trip”
Lawson fell quiet now. For the past two years now, his wife’s birthday skips his mind…totally.
“I’m…I’m sorry Sara…It skipped my mind…”
“It always does” She lay down back on the bed, backing him.
Lawson wrapped his arms around her waist, “I said I’m sorry…”
No response.
Lawson sighed, “Fine, we go this weekend”
“Really?” She turned sharply, excited
“If it will make you happy today”
“Thank you baby” She hugged him.
A week after
Sara jerked at the vibration of the phone in her pocket.
“Hi mom!” she pressed the phone to her ear with her shoulders, wiping the washed dishes with her hands.
“Honey…”
“What is it mom?” she pressed it harder
“The result…the result of the tests…” her mother cried
Sarah gently dropped the plate and the wiper, hear racing…”Just say it mom…”
That night
“I can never have children Lawson…” Sara cried
Lawson felt his world crash right in front of him, “W…what?”
“Mama called today…she’s gotten the tests results”
“Jesus Christ” Lawson stood, placing his palm on his head, “b…but you told me you were ok before we got married, you told me the doctor said your abortion didn’t damage your womb”
“Don’t bring my past into this!” Sara flared
Lawson laughed and got serious almost immediately, “You are crazy. I married a crazy woman!”
Sara looked at him in shock, like he’d lost his mind.
“The results say you can never have children and we both know that this has to do with the abortion you had before we met!”, he flared, “are you happy?…you know we’re screwed right? No kids? what re we going to tell the world?”
“Lawson we can adopt…” Sara cried
“Adopt? Wow!”, he laughed again, “I married a funny woman too!” He got serious again, “Its still not our baby! The damn baby is not my flesh and blood! You are full of deceit Sara” He looked into her eyes. Sara could see him fighting his tears.
“Lawson stop…you are hurting me…” Sara fell on her knees crying
“You want to know what I’m thinking?” Lawson looked at her with disgust, “I’m thinking how on earth I’m going to stand seeing your deceitful face for the rest of my life”
“Sara cried harder, “Dont give up Lawson…So far I have a womb…I can still carry our baby…”
“I am not giving up on having my baby, I’m giving up on you” Lawson turned around to leave
“Lawson!” She held his feet, “I’m hurting too…”
He only dragged his feet from her hold and drove out of the house. She wept.
A month Later
“Mother, he’s not even talking to me. All of a sudden we are both strangers…He doesn’t eat my food, comes home late…he hates me so much and it’s killing me. I’m confused…to think that it’s truly hurting…”
“For how long will you hide this truth from him. You’ve got to let him know…you can’t carry his…”
There was the sound of a car horn
“Mom I’ve got to go…he’s back”
“Baby, you’ve got to let him know. It can work when you two are one in mind”
“Bye mom” she ended the call.
Lawson came into the house, about to walk past her.
“Lawson” She held him
“I’m tired” He didn’t want to look at her face
“I know…can we talk for some minutes?” She tried to help him remove his suit
“Look what is it” He jerked from her
“Do you hate me this much? you can’t even look me in the eye? you can’t even stand my sight? Lawson…it’s me Sara…your best friend…” Her eyes grew moist
“I’m in no mood for this” He turned around to walk away
“Don’t you dare leave when I’m talking to you!” She dragged him by the suit. Just then, some papers fell to the floor. Sara quickly bent to pick them up…her hands shook and her body became numb all over.
“D…divorce papers? Lawson?” She searched his eyes
“Answer me goddammit!” She held him by the collar of his shirt, crying
“They are for you to sign. I want to be out” Lawson dropped
“Y…you what?” she slowly freed him from her hold
“It’s not going to work Sara, can’t you see?”
“Lawson I can’t believe you would think of a divorce and even go this far…why are you so wicked!” she cried, angry
“No! Why are you so wicked!” He retorted, flaring
“Think about me for once. I am a man for Christ’s sakes. My children are my pride! and you are about to deny me that for the rest of my life because of your stupid mistake!”
“What about me! have you stopped for once to think about what I’m going through”
“It’s your cross, carry it” Lawson fixed his angry eyes on his wife
“No, its now our cross and I am not signing those divorce papers! We vowed never to leave each other!”
“Isn’t it better Sara that you save yourself more hurt and sign these papers than to see another woman move into this house before your very eyes?” he said with a tone of sarcasm
Sara’s heart thumped, “What?”
“You heard me…another woman who can help raise a family, so save yourself the stress and sign the damn papers. I need it tomorrow”He turned around to leave again
“She still can’t carry your baby” Sara dropped
“Not all women had abortions. Not every woman was like you.” He scorned
“You are the one who can’t give me a child!” Sara let out, crying.
Lawson stopped now, turned around and walked towards her, “Whatever your plan is won’t work”
“I told you I could never have a child because its you who can’t make me pregnant”
“Shut up! shut up Sara! what the hell are you saying!” He shook her shoulders violently
“You are infertile Lawson…the doctor says you have primary infertility…” Sara burst into tears
Lawson gasped, loosing his balance.
“Mother called me to give me the news. I was shattered, I felt like my world was over but more importantly I thought of you. I thought of what the news could do to you, I thought of the best way to tell you… never for once did i think of leaving you. I bore your insults, your scorn, because of my past. It was so easy to judge me and think of yourself. I am the one who is hurting, I am the one who should bring some miserable divorce papers…but I thought of you…I thought of hope, faith and a miracle…I thought of my vow to you on that altar. In sickness and in health remember?”, she smiled through her tears, “all of a sudden you are as weak as a baby…looking in your eyes, I can see you sudenly have lost all your guards, You are so wicked”
“Sara…” Lawson fell on his knees, torn.
“No!” She quickly fell on her knees too, “No Lawson…” She couldn’t bear to see him cry
“I’m…I’m infertile”, he cried, “What is left of me?” he searched his wife’s eyes
“Lawson please…” she held his face, “I understand…it has been so hard for me…I have put myself in your shoes since the first day…”
“You don’t deserve this…you deserve better…I can’t believe I scorned you all along…please let me leave you”
“No” she shook her head, “You are my husband. I won’t leave you. I won’t let you leave me…I believe in miracles”
“I’m doomed…Sara I’m doomed…”He allowed his wife take him in her arms and on her shoulder he wept like a child.
In the Morning
Sara gently opened her eyes, looking beside her bed…it was empty. She quickly sat up on seeing a note gently placed on the bed. Hands shaking, she opened the letter to read.
Sara,
I cannot bear the shame. I have treated you so unfairly, yet you love me still, you are with me even in this condition of mine. To think that you knew all along and you never for once gave me a clue that it is my fault we are in this mess, makes me so unworthy of you. I love you enough to let you build another life with a man who can make you happier. I’m torn Sara and all I ask is your forgiveness. I have always loved you and if you truly love me then please start your life over again…without me…I am truly sorry for disappointing you.
Lawson.
Sara couldn’t control the tears. She couldn’t think straight anymore. She picked her cell phone, shaking…
“Hi Mr. Lawson’s office please”
“Hi Lola…” she cried, “have you seen my husband today?”
“No…no ma’am, we’ve been expecting him at work. He has a presentation is fifteen minutes”
“Oh God…God…” Sara dipped her hand in her full hair
“Everything ok ma’am?”
“Thank you” she ended the call.
She quickly got down from the bed and in her pyjamas she ran into her car. She dialed his number repeatedly as she drove…no answer.
At 2:00pm
She sped into Fred’s compound, a close friend to her husband.
“Fred!” she banged the door hastily till the door flung open
“My God Sara what’s wrong?” Fred held her
“It’s…it’s Lawson…have you seen him? is he here?”
“No…Haven’t heard from him in a week”
“Oh God” she held her hair
“What’s wrong?”
But she was already walking away into her car.
“Sara!” He called after her.
She zoomed away.
4:30pm
“Mom, Dad, I can’t find Lawson…I can’t find your son…” she cried as she paced in front of the two who looked lost
“You have to calm down and tell us what happened” Lawson’s mother put her arms around Sara.
Sara burst into tears, “Please Dad could you try his number, maybe he’d pick your call?”
“Have you been to his office?” He picked his cellphone and dialed his son’s number
“I have been everywhere I know him to be likely available”
“It’s ok…calm down please” Lawson’s mother pet her
“He’s not picking. What exactly went wrong between you two?” Lawson’s father searched Sara’a eyes
9:00pm
Sara was still in her pyjamas and on her way back home, exhausted and stuck in the traffic. She had told Lawson’s parents everything. The poor couple was so shattered and also begging her to begin a new life. Sara buried her head on the steering, crying; she hadn’t realized the green light.
“Hey get off the freaking road!” a driver cursed from behind her
“God please don’t let him harm himself…keep him safe and lead me to him…please God…” she quickly started the car and began to move.
Suddenly she remembered the church where they wedded and took their vows. It was two hours from here; she made a u-turn and headed for the church hoping to find some peace.
She tiredly got down from the car, drenched and exhausted. She trudged into the open entrance of the church. She paused for a moment; shocked…it was Lawson sitting at the front row of the empty church, facing the altar.
“Lawson!” She began to run towards him, happy, relieved that he was ok.
“Sara?” He quickly stood as she approached him, “Sara…”
They both ran into each other’s arms. He hugged her so tightly
“I looked for you everywhere….this was the last place I thought you’d ever be…I just came and I saw you…Lawson….I’m so happy you are ok” she touched his face
“I didn’t know where else to go…It just feels like I cant face the world anymore…” he slowly released her from his embrace.
“Take my hand” Sara stretched out her hand, “C’mon, just take it”
Lawson gently clasped his hand into hers and she took him to the altar and stood to face him. She searched his eyes so deeply and hadn’t seen him so weak and helpless.
“Five years ago Lawson, we both stood on this altar. Remember our vows? Remember you whispered in my ear never to leave you. I told you I wouldn’t…that’s why I’m here. I am your wife Lawson, I am meant to be with you forever, though the bad and good times. We’ve had good times, why would I leave you now? All I want from you is to believe that you can still give me a child despite what the result said…I want you to believe in a miracle”, she held his face, “remember when you told me I was a miracle in your life?…our children will be our miracles too. Trust God with me because I know it won’t be long…”
“Who are you Sara…” Lawson was weak with her words
“The one who vowed to be with you till the end” she smiled through her thin tears
“God I love you so much Sara” He hugged her again
“So will you come back home with me?” Sara searched his eyes
“I have no other place to call home” He placed a soft kiss on her lips.
2 years after
Lawson and Sara were on the sofa watching a late night movie. Sara was resting on his shoulders when she felt the movement
“Lawson Lawson, it moved again…don’t miss it this time touch touch” she gently placed his palm on the side of the stomach. Both felt the movement of their child
“I can feel him…I can feel him” Lawson placed his head on her belly
“I can feel him growing each day inside of me…”
“What do you think its saying now by this movement?”
“Thank you dada for believing in me” she laughed. They both laughed “The movement has stopped” he slowly removed his head from her stomach, “I think he’s sleeping”
Sara rested on his shoulders again, “In six months you’d be a father, “You finally got your miracle”
Lawson tilted his wife’s face to him, looking into her eyes, “Sara…you were the miracle I needed. Thank you for not leaving me.”
Sara tickled his nose with hers, “I love you too. Always will”, she smiled, “We missed a whole lot on our movie”
“Movie can wait, but this can’t” He gently planted a kiss on her belly.
Hi Friends,
First, we forget our vows so easily, so quickly that once our marriages start hitting the rocks, we fail to realize that there is power in union. When there is union, every mountain can be subdued. The problem is people don’t yet understand the concept of marriage and trust me, until you do, please don’t go to the alter because what you don’t understand will eventually become a burden and confuse you. The concept of marriage is ‘for better, for worse’. The ‘worse’ moments always come. I am not saying expect bad things but I’m saying that challenges come in marriage to make you stronger in oneness so don’t use it against yourselves.
Second, miracles are real and I hope we all learn to have the patience to have our miracles in the end. Remember that marriage is a ‘stick and stay’ relationship not a ‘hit and run’ thing.
Remember your vows each day, enjoy your marriage, you deserve it!
Culled from: Nigerianweddings.
I, Sarah Adams take you, Lawson Kuti as my lawful wedded husband, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do us part” she smiled at him through her veil.
“You may now kiss your bride Mr. Lawson” The Pastor beckoned.
Lawson’s heart raced as he gently unveiled his bride’s face. She looked so beautiful. He gently bent over and placed a soft kiss on her lips. Sarah in turn embraced him tightly with tears of joy streaming down her face.
“Never leave me Sarah” He whispered in her ear.
“I will never leave you” she whispered and they slowly released themselves from the embrace.
“I present to you the latest couple!” The Pastor exclaimed excitedly
The church cheered and Sarah cried more in her husband’s arms
5 years Later
Sarah silently tip toed behind her husband. He was in his study, engrossed in reading. She smiled to herself and gently covered his eyes with both hands.
“It’s just you and I in this house Sara, plus, I smelled you the moment you walked in” He dropped
Sara released her hold, sighed and sat on the study table, “Why do you figure me out so easily? I can’t even surprise you! That sucks” she curled her arms around his neck
“You are my wife, nothing you do is supposed to surprise me” He playfully pecked her nose.
“But you’ve been in the study all day and I’m bored!” She rolled her eyes
“So what kind of fun do you suggest we have then?” He swooped her off the table in his arms
“No! no that kind of fun!” She hit him playfully till he put her down
“Ok”, He folded his arms on his chest, looking into her eyes, “So what do you want us to do?”
“Not us. Actually, all I want is to play with your play station and you’ve hidden it again! Just give it to me and you can continue your reading, pleaaaseee” She blinked her eyes playfully
“No way”, He went back toward his study chair and sat, “Not my play station”
“Why! You never let me touch it…like its your baby” She sulked
“Well”, he rolled his eyes, “Not like you’ve given me a baby yet”
Sara paused for a moment. Did he just say that to her? The words struck her deep down
“You shouldn’t have said that Lawson…” She managed to say, her countenance changing.
“But it’s true…I’m only saying the truth Sara” He turned to face her, still sitting on the chair.
“The truth? You think I don’t want us to have kids?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that…” He stood to face her now.
“Then what are you saying Lawson? Tell me, what is the truth?”
“Let’s not do this today…please. You can have the play station and play all you want. It’s in my footwear locker and the key is in my Bible”
“You always do this…hurting me with your words” Her voice began to shake
“Don’t start Sara please”
“Tell me why you said those words to me! I want to know!”
“Because I’m tired! I want to be a father! I want to have my own kids Sara…”
” and you think I don’t?!” Sara flared, trying not to let the tears pour
“Then why can’t you get pregnant Sara? This is the fifth year we are trying.” He clenched his teeth and walked out of the study room.
Sara was in shock. She sat on the chair for some seconds, stood up again and sat on the chair again…this time she held on to her blouse and burst into tears.
2weeks after
“Lawson, wake up please” Sara tapped him
Lawson gently opened his eyes and looked at the alarm clock by his bedside, “It’s 2:00am Sara…”
“It’s urgent”
“I’m listening” He said drowsily
“Mother says we should come for tests. She says she’s spoken to her doctor and he said we should come.”
“What?” Lawson opened his eyes now, “Your mother is in the UK for Christ’s sakes”
“Let’s just do it. We can go for the weekend, lets just give it a shot, please.”
“No. That would be rather expensive and…”
“It’s my birthday today and the only thing I want from you is this trip”
Lawson fell quiet now. For the past two years now, his wife’s birthday skips his mind…totally.
“I’m…I’m sorry Sara…It skipped my mind…”
“It always does” She lay down back on the bed, backing him.
Lawson wrapped his arms around her waist, “I said I’m sorry…”
No response.
Lawson sighed, “Fine, we go this weekend”
“Really?” She turned sharply, excited
“If it will make you happy today”
“Thank you baby” She hugged him.
A week after
Sara jerked at the vibration of the phone in her pocket.
“Hi mom!” she pressed the phone to her ear with her shoulders, wiping the washed dishes with her hands.
“Honey…”
“What is it mom?” she pressed it harder
“The result…the result of the tests…” her mother cried
Sarah gently dropped the plate and the wiper, hear racing…”Just say it mom…”
That night
“I can never have children Lawson…” Sara cried
Lawson felt his world crash right in front of him, “W…what?”
“Mama called today…she’s gotten the tests results”
“Jesus Christ” Lawson stood, placing his palm on his head, “b…but you told me you were ok before we got married, you told me the doctor said your abortion didn’t damage your womb”
“Don’t bring my past into this!” Sara flared
Lawson laughed and got serious almost immediately, “You are crazy. I married a crazy woman!”
Sara looked at him in shock, like he’d lost his mind.
“The results say you can never have children and we both know that this has to do with the abortion you had before we met!”, he flared, “are you happy?…you know we’re screwed right? No kids? what re we going to tell the world?”
“Lawson we can adopt…” Sara cried
“Adopt? Wow!”, he laughed again, “I married a funny woman too!” He got serious again, “Its still not our baby! The damn baby is not my flesh and blood! You are full of deceit Sara” He looked into her eyes. Sara could see him fighting his tears.
“Lawson stop…you are hurting me…” Sara fell on her knees crying
“You want to know what I’m thinking?” Lawson looked at her with disgust, “I’m thinking how on earth I’m going to stand seeing your deceitful face for the rest of my life”
“Sara cried harder, “Dont give up Lawson…So far I have a womb…I can still carry our baby…”
“I am not giving up on having my baby, I’m giving up on you” Lawson turned around to leave
“Lawson!” She held his feet, “I’m hurting too…”
He only dragged his feet from her hold and drove out of the house. She wept.
A month Later
“Mother, he’s not even talking to me. All of a sudden we are both strangers…He doesn’t eat my food, comes home late…he hates me so much and it’s killing me. I’m confused…to think that it’s truly hurting…”
“For how long will you hide this truth from him. You’ve got to let him know…you can’t carry his…”
There was the sound of a car horn
“Mom I’ve got to go…he’s back”
“Baby, you’ve got to let him know. It can work when you two are one in mind”
“Bye mom” she ended the call.
Lawson came into the house, about to walk past her.
“Lawson” She held him
“I’m tired” He didn’t want to look at her face
“I know…can we talk for some minutes?” She tried to help him remove his suit
“Look what is it” He jerked from her
“Do you hate me this much? you can’t even look me in the eye? you can’t even stand my sight? Lawson…it’s me Sara…your best friend…” Her eyes grew moist
“I’m in no mood for this” He turned around to walk away
“Don’t you dare leave when I’m talking to you!” She dragged him by the suit. Just then, some papers fell to the floor. Sara quickly bent to pick them up…her hands shook and her body became numb all over.
“D…divorce papers? Lawson?” She searched his eyes
“Answer me goddammit!” She held him by the collar of his shirt, crying
“They are for you to sign. I want to be out” Lawson dropped
“Y…you what?” she slowly freed him from her hold
“It’s not going to work Sara, can’t you see?”
“Lawson I can’t believe you would think of a divorce and even go this far…why are you so wicked!” she cried, angry
“No! Why are you so wicked!” He retorted, flaring
“Think about me for once. I am a man for Christ’s sakes. My children are my pride! and you are about to deny me that for the rest of my life because of your stupid mistake!”
“What about me! have you stopped for once to think about what I’m going through”
“It’s your cross, carry it” Lawson fixed his angry eyes on his wife
“No, its now our cross and I am not signing those divorce papers! We vowed never to leave each other!”
“Isn’t it better Sara that you save yourself more hurt and sign these papers than to see another woman move into this house before your very eyes?” he said with a tone of sarcasm
Sara’s heart thumped, “What?”
“You heard me…another woman who can help raise a family, so save yourself the stress and sign the damn papers. I need it tomorrow”He turned around to leave again
“She still can’t carry your baby” Sara dropped
“Not all women had abortions. Not every woman was like you.” He scorned
“You are the one who can’t give me a child!” Sara let out, crying.
Lawson stopped now, turned around and walked towards her, “Whatever your plan is won’t work”
“I told you I could never have a child because its you who can’t make me pregnant”
“Shut up! shut up Sara! what the hell are you saying!” He shook her shoulders violently
“You are infertile Lawson…the doctor says you have primary infertility…” Sara burst into tears
Lawson gasped, loosing his balance.
“Mother called me to give me the news. I was shattered, I felt like my world was over but more importantly I thought of you. I thought of what the news could do to you, I thought of the best way to tell you… never for once did i think of leaving you. I bore your insults, your scorn, because of my past. It was so easy to judge me and think of yourself. I am the one who is hurting, I am the one who should bring some miserable divorce papers…but I thought of you…I thought of hope, faith and a miracle…I thought of my vow to you on that altar. In sickness and in health remember?”, she smiled through her tears, “all of a sudden you are as weak as a baby…looking in your eyes, I can see you sudenly have lost all your guards, You are so wicked”
“Sara…” Lawson fell on his knees, torn.
“No!” She quickly fell on her knees too, “No Lawson…” She couldn’t bear to see him cry
“I’m…I’m infertile”, he cried, “What is left of me?” he searched his wife’s eyes
“Lawson please…” she held his face, “I understand…it has been so hard for me…I have put myself in your shoes since the first day…”
“You don’t deserve this…you deserve better…I can’t believe I scorned you all along…please let me leave you”
“No” she shook her head, “You are my husband. I won’t leave you. I won’t let you leave me…I believe in miracles”
“I’m doomed…Sara I’m doomed…”He allowed his wife take him in her arms and on her shoulder he wept like a child.
In the Morning
Sara gently opened her eyes, looking beside her bed…it was empty. She quickly sat up on seeing a note gently placed on the bed. Hands shaking, she opened the letter to read.
Sara,
I cannot bear the shame. I have treated you so unfairly, yet you love me still, you are with me even in this condition of mine. To think that you knew all along and you never for once gave me a clue that it is my fault we are in this mess, makes me so unworthy of you. I love you enough to let you build another life with a man who can make you happier. I’m torn Sara and all I ask is your forgiveness. I have always loved you and if you truly love me then please start your life over again…without me…I am truly sorry for disappointing you.
Lawson.
Sara couldn’t control the tears. She couldn’t think straight anymore. She picked her cell phone, shaking…
“Hi Mr. Lawson’s office please”
“Hi Lola…” she cried, “have you seen my husband today?”
“No…no ma’am, we’ve been expecting him at work. He has a presentation is fifteen minutes”
“Oh God…God…” Sara dipped her hand in her full hair
“Everything ok ma’am?”
“Thank you” she ended the call.
She quickly got down from the bed and in her pyjamas she ran into her car. She dialed his number repeatedly as she drove…no answer.
At 2:00pm
She sped into Fred’s compound, a close friend to her husband.
“Fred!” she banged the door hastily till the door flung open
“My God Sara what’s wrong?” Fred held her
“It’s…it’s Lawson…have you seen him? is he here?”
“No…Haven’t heard from him in a week”
“Oh God” she held her hair
“What’s wrong?”
But she was already walking away into her car.
“Sara!” He called after her.
She zoomed away.
4:30pm
“Mom, Dad, I can’t find Lawson…I can’t find your son…” she cried as she paced in front of the two who looked lost
“You have to calm down and tell us what happened” Lawson’s mother put her arms around Sara.
Sara burst into tears, “Please Dad could you try his number, maybe he’d pick your call?”
“Have you been to his office?” He picked his cellphone and dialed his son’s number
“I have been everywhere I know him to be likely available”
“It’s ok…calm down please” Lawson’s mother pet her
“He’s not picking. What exactly went wrong between you two?” Lawson’s father searched Sara’a eyes
9:00pm
Sara was still in her pyjamas and on her way back home, exhausted and stuck in the traffic. She had told Lawson’s parents everything. The poor couple was so shattered and also begging her to begin a new life. Sara buried her head on the steering, crying; she hadn’t realized the green light.
“Hey get off the freaking road!” a driver cursed from behind her
“God please don’t let him harm himself…keep him safe and lead me to him…please God…” she quickly started the car and began to move.
Suddenly she remembered the church where they wedded and took their vows. It was two hours from here; she made a u-turn and headed for the church hoping to find some peace.
She tiredly got down from the car, drenched and exhausted. She trudged into the open entrance of the church. She paused for a moment; shocked…it was Lawson sitting at the front row of the empty church, facing the altar.
“Lawson!” She began to run towards him, happy, relieved that he was ok.
“Sara?” He quickly stood as she approached him, “Sara…”
They both ran into each other’s arms. He hugged her so tightly
“I looked for you everywhere….this was the last place I thought you’d ever be…I just came and I saw you…Lawson….I’m so happy you are ok” she touched his face
“I didn’t know where else to go…It just feels like I cant face the world anymore…” he slowly released her from his embrace.
“Take my hand” Sara stretched out her hand, “C’mon, just take it”
Lawson gently clasped his hand into hers and she took him to the altar and stood to face him. She searched his eyes so deeply and hadn’t seen him so weak and helpless.
“Five years ago Lawson, we both stood on this altar. Remember our vows? Remember you whispered in my ear never to leave you. I told you I wouldn’t…that’s why I’m here. I am your wife Lawson, I am meant to be with you forever, though the bad and good times. We’ve had good times, why would I leave you now? All I want from you is to believe that you can still give me a child despite what the result said…I want you to believe in a miracle”, she held his face, “remember when you told me I was a miracle in your life?…our children will be our miracles too. Trust God with me because I know it won’t be long…”
“Who are you Sara…” Lawson was weak with her words
“The one who vowed to be with you till the end” she smiled through her thin tears
“God I love you so much Sara” He hugged her again
“So will you come back home with me?” Sara searched his eyes
“I have no other place to call home” He placed a soft kiss on her lips.
2 years after
Lawson and Sara were on the sofa watching a late night movie. Sara was resting on his shoulders when she felt the movement
“Lawson Lawson, it moved again…don’t miss it this time touch touch” she gently placed his palm on the side of the stomach. Both felt the movement of their child
“I can feel him…I can feel him” Lawson placed his head on her belly
“I can feel him growing each day inside of me…”
“What do you think its saying now by this movement?”
“Thank you dada for believing in me” she laughed. They both laughed “The movement has stopped” he slowly removed his head from her stomach, “I think he’s sleeping”
Sara rested on his shoulders again, “In six months you’d be a father, “You finally got your miracle”
Lawson tilted his wife’s face to him, looking into her eyes, “Sara…you were the miracle I needed. Thank you for not leaving me.”
Sara tickled his nose with hers, “I love you too. Always will”, she smiled, “We missed a whole lot on our movie”
“Movie can wait, but this can’t” He gently planted a kiss on her belly.
Hi Friends,
First, we forget our vows so easily, so quickly that once our marriages start hitting the rocks, we fail to realize that there is power in union. When there is union, every mountain can be subdued. The problem is people don’t yet understand the concept of marriage and trust me, until you do, please don’t go to the alter because what you don’t understand will eventually become a burden and confuse you. The concept of marriage is ‘for better, for worse’. The ‘worse’ moments always come. I am not saying expect bad things but I’m saying that challenges come in marriage to make you stronger in oneness so don’t use it against yourselves.
Second, miracles are real and I hope we all learn to have the patience to have our miracles in the end. Remember that marriage is a ‘stick and stay’ relationship not a ‘hit and run’ thing.
Remember your vows each day, enjoy your marriage, you deserve it!
Culled from: Nigerianweddings.
What is GOBE??
GOBE is when you give a beautiful girl a lift and then she faints in your car. You take her to hospital. On getting there, the doctor tells you she is pregnant and congratulates you that you are going to be a father! Embarrased, you told the doctor you are not the father but the girl says you are!!!!! Now this is getting very GOBEFULL!
You required a DNA test to prove you are not the father! Now this issue is getting really GOBESTIC! When the doctor comes b...ack with the result, he gives you the good news that you are not the father and that u cannot be the father cos you are infertile!!!! GBAM
You are relieved. But on your way home, you remember you are married with 3 kids at home!!!!
GBAM!!!!!! GOBETICALLY you are extremely GOBEED! "Who the HELL is their father."?
This is pure GOBE..
GOBE is when you give a beautiful girl a lift and then she faints in your car. You take her to hospital. On getting there, the doctor tells you she is pregnant and congratulates you that you are going to be a father! Embarrased, you told the doctor you are not the father but the girl says you are!!!!! Now this is getting very GOBEFULL!
You required a DNA test to prove you are not the father! Now this issue is getting really GOBESTIC! When the doctor comes b...ack with the result, he gives you the good news that you are not the father and that u cannot be the father cos you are infertile!!!! GBAM
You are relieved. But on your way home, you remember you are married with 3 kids at home!!!!
GBAM!!!!!! GOBETICALLY you are extremely GOBEED! "Who the HELL is their father."?
This is pure GOBE..
Almost here.... LAFF PLANET - In His Presence (Prvo17:22, Ps 16:11)-A Monthly Comedy Concert!!!kip anticipating
It's stil ME, MYSELF and ur gbangbaciouslie dunduskie nawatramingo naganga eva skibandiciou entertainer....KIP SMILN' saying have a splendid 9t ..... gbrrrriiiiiiii
It's stil ME, MYSELF and ur gbangbaciouslie dunduskie nawatramingo naganga eva skibandiciou entertainer....KIP SMILN' saying have a splendid 9t ..... gbrrrriiiiiiii
VACANCIES IN NIGERIA TODAY
Job search.naija
A foremost Political Party in Nigeria , popularly referred to as "The Ruling Party", requires for immediate appointment into the House of Representatives, a qualified Hooligan with the following professional qualifications:
First degree in Boxing or Kick boxing.
A Professional diploma in aggressive cover-up techniques.
MUST be a duly certified LIAR with vast experience in corrupt practices.
Must be ready to shun the voices of the People in allegiance to the Party's wishes.
Possession of a falsified educational degree will be an added advantage.
Duly qualified candidates should please forward their detailed CV's to the Party Secretariat.
NB: Please note that candidates with deadly upper-cuts will be given preference.
The selection process will definitely be biased and open to changes without notice, as this is part of the party policy.
Short listed athletes will be given a course in 'Political Jargons' to familiarize them with the language of the tournament.
BEST OF LUCK!!
A foremost Political Party in Nigeria , popularly referred to as "The Ruling Party", requires for immediate appointment into the House of Representatives, a qualified Hooligan with the following professional qualifications:
First degree in Boxing or Kick boxing.
A Professional diploma in aggressive cover-up techniques.
MUST be a duly certified LIAR with vast experience in corrupt practices.
Must be ready to shun the voices of the People in allegiance to the Party's wishes.
Possession of a falsified educational degree will be an added advantage.
Duly qualified candidates should please forward their detailed CV's to the Party Secretariat.
NB: Please note that candidates with deadly upper-cuts will be given preference.
The selection process will definitely be biased and open to changes without notice, as this is part of the party policy.
Short listed athletes will be given a course in 'Political Jargons' to familiarize them with the language of the tournament.
BEST OF LUCK!!
With love, I thee wed....
HE: Yes. At last! It was so hard to wait.
SHE: Do you want me to leave?
HE: No! Don't even think about it!
SHE: Do you love me?
HE: Of course! Over and over.
SHE: Have you ever cheated on me?
HE: No! Why are you even asking?
SHE: Will you kiss me?
HE:Every chance I get.
SHE: Will you hit me?
HE: Are you crazy? I am not that kind of person.
SHE: Can I trust you?
HE: Yes
SHE: Darling!
...............AFTER MARRIAGE
BEFORE MARRIAGE.....
HE: Yes. At last! It was so hard to wait.
SHE: Do you want me to leave?
HE: No! Don't even think about it!
SHE: Do you love me?
HE: Of course! Over and over.
SHE: Have you ever cheated on me?
HE: No! Why are you even asking?
SHE: Will you kiss me?
HE:Every chance I get.
SHE: Will you hit me?
HE: Are you crazy? I am not that kind of person.
SHE: Can I trust you?
HE: Yes
SHE: Darling!
...............AFTER MARRIAGE
SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP
Bob the hardworker
Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league. When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?' 'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
BOB's funeral will be on Friday.
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league. When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?' 'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
BOB's funeral will be on Friday.
Life
God created the donkey and said to him, "You will be a donkey. You will work untiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered, "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20."
God granted his wish.
God created the dog and said to him, "You will guard the house of Man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog."
The dog answered, "Sir, to live 30 years is too much. Give me only 15."
God granted his wish.
God created the monkey and said to him, "You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey."
The monkey answered, "To live 20 years is too much. Give me only 10."
God granted his wish.
Finally god created man, and said to him, "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded, "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.
God granted man's wish....
And since then...
Man lives 20 years as a man,
marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown...
he lives 15 years like a dog,
taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire
and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another,
doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren
That's LIFE
The donkey answered, "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20."
God granted his wish.
God created the dog and said to him, "You will guard the house of Man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog."
The dog answered, "Sir, to live 30 years is too much. Give me only 15."
God granted his wish.
God created the monkey and said to him, "You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey."
The monkey answered, "To live 20 years is too much. Give me only 10."
God granted his wish.
Finally god created man, and said to him, "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded, "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.
God granted man's wish....
And since then...
Man lives 20 years as a man,
marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown...
he lives 15 years like a dog,
taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire
and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another,
doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren
That's LIFE
POLICE DEY READ BIBLE……??!!
On Lagos-Ibadan express road, when a Pastor met a team of policemen who, quite
naturally, wanted 'something' from him. Since he was not prepared to
play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through everything
without any offence with which to nail the 'stubborn' pastor, they now
asked him to open the bonnet of his car.
A careful scrutiny of the engine number against what was on paper revealed that
letter 'U' was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter 'V'. That
was all the officer-in-charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle!"
Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no offence, the pastor called the OC to say he was a priest to which the officer replied :"Please, leave that
pastor thing...in any case, if you are indeed a pastor, then you must have a
Bible in your car, bring it."
The Pastor did as was commanded after which the officer now ordered:
"Please read Matthew 5:25-26 to me".
The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read:
"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."
The man of God quietly made an "offering" of "just" N100 to his newly found "preacher".
"End of service go in peace and argue no more", said the OC.
naturally, wanted 'something' from him. Since he was not prepared to
play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through everything
without any offence with which to nail the 'stubborn' pastor, they now
asked him to open the bonnet of his car.
A careful scrutiny of the engine number against what was on paper revealed that
letter 'U' was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter 'V'. That
was all the officer-in-charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle!"
Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no offence, the pastor called the OC to say he was a priest to which the officer replied :"Please, leave that
pastor thing...in any case, if you are indeed a pastor, then you must have a
Bible in your car, bring it."
The Pastor did as was commanded after which the officer now ordered:
"Please read Matthew 5:25-26 to me".
The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read:
"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."
The man of God quietly made an "offering" of "just" N100 to his newly found "preacher".
"End of service go in peace and argue no more", said the OC.
Smart Contractor
Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from Nigeria, another from Germany, and the third from France.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.
When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it & give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.
First to step up was the German contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Next was the French contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Without so much as moving, the Nigerian contractor said, "$2,700."
The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from France."
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.
When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it & give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.
First to step up was the German contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Next was the French contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Without so much as moving, the Nigerian contractor said, "$2,700."
The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from France."
Daddy How was I born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as Iwas ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll down...
You'll love this.... '
You got Male!
LASTMA palava
A true story from an acquaintance....
I was driving down a street along Alausa, having just finished answering a call, when a LASTMA official, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked it. (The door's lock is faulty)
As usual, he wanted 'something' from me for calling while driving...
Suddenly, he saw the big Rothweiller dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.
LASTMA Official: (Shaking) Ah! You carry dog?
Me: (I bone my face) Yes, I carry dog. Dat one na offense?
LASTMA Official: (Feeling uncomfortable) Na where una dey come from?
Me: From hospital.
LASTMA Official: Ehen! you sick?
Me: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.
LASTMA Official: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?
Me: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.
LASTMA Official: The dog know you?
Me: Yes nah, no be my dog?
LASTMA Official: (Sweating) This your door, how you dey open am?
Me: How you take enter?
LASTMA Official: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open. (The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman's left ear).
LASTMA Official: (Now sliding forward) Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anything from you.
Me: How much you go pay me?
LASTMA Official: Ah! I neva hustle anything since morning. Na only N1,000 dey wit me.
Me: You neva ready. (I looked back at the dog).
LASTMA Official: Ok ok ok ok ok, e reach N2,000. The oda N1,000 na my wife own, but I go give you join. (Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient) Oga, I be......g, Oga, sorry. Take the N2,000 make you open the door plssssssse!
Me: Oya, bring am. (I collected the N2,000 & allowed him out of the car)
LASTMA Official: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!.
I was driving down a street along Alausa, having just finished answering a call, when a LASTMA official, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked it. (The door's lock is faulty)
As usual, he wanted 'something' from me for calling while driving...
Suddenly, he saw the big Rothweiller dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.
LASTMA Official: (Shaking) Ah! You carry dog?
Me: (I bone my face) Yes, I carry dog. Dat one na offense?
LASTMA Official: (Feeling uncomfortable) Na where una dey come from?
Me: From hospital.
LASTMA Official: Ehen! you sick?
Me: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.
LASTMA Official: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?
Me: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.
LASTMA Official: The dog know you?
Me: Yes nah, no be my dog?
LASTMA Official: (Sweating) This your door, how you dey open am?
Me: How you take enter?
LASTMA Official: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open. (The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman's left ear).
LASTMA Official: (Now sliding forward) Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anything from you.
Me: How much you go pay me?
LASTMA Official: Ah! I neva hustle anything since morning. Na only N1,000 dey wit me.
Me: You neva ready. (I looked back at the dog).
LASTMA Official: Ok ok ok ok ok, e reach N2,000. The oda N1,000 na my wife own, but I go give you join. (Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient) Oga, I be......g, Oga, sorry. Take the N2,000 make you open the door plssssssse!
Me: Oya, bring am. (I collected the N2,000 & allowed him out of the car)
LASTMA Official: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)