LAFF PLANET 2015

In other news......

Kip Smiln (Grand Commander Laff Planet) submits ministerial (sorry performers) list to Senate President.

Many out of the Kip Smiln' Crew we contacted about the nominees, skipped the subject as they were majorly talking about sponsorship and support of/from companies and individuals.

However, sources suggested that those likely to make it into the LAFF PLANET 2015 cabinet include SEYILAW, AKPORORO, OYINKANADE along side many other tested, trusted, credible, remarkable, hilarious, seasoned world class , rib crackers, comedian, musicians, dancers etc for

"Laff Planets 2015 - with Kip Smiln' & Friend".

Date: Sunday 27th December, 2015.
Venue: Wallan Hall, D'Rovans Hotel, Ring Road, Ibadan.
Time: 1pm
Gate Fee: Regular - N1,000, VIP - N2,500, Royal Table of 5 - N15,000

Whatever the case may be, everything will be clear as the Senate (Laff Planet Organising Committee presided over by Kip Smiln's manager) will unveil the acts to us SOON.

For more Info, Sponsorship/Partnership & Ticket Booking, contact:
08082966116, 07051112897, 08061500579, 08038239604, 08061695818
www.kipsmiln.blogspot.com
BBM: 266F42C2
Twitter: @kipsmiln
IG: kipsmiln

"Don't miss it for anything.....cos its surely gonna be soooo gbangbaciouslie dunduskie.......ggbbbrrrrriiiiiii


Kindly Spread The News

THE WINE TASTER

A beer company was hiring a taster, someone to taste the beers before selling out, so they placed adverts.

One afternoon, a dirty, rough looking man walked into the manager's office asking to be employed.

The manager tried to figure out how he could drive this man away but couldn't come up with an idea, so he decided to give the man a trial and ordered his secretary to give the man a glass of wine.

The rough looking man took a sip and said, "It's red wine, a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."

"That's correct!" The manager exclaimed, "Well give him another one let’s see."

So he was given. He took a sip again and said, "It's red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, south western slope, oak barrels."

"Incredible!" said the manager.

Now the manager went closer to the secretary and whispered to her saying, "Go get some of your urine in a cup let's see if he will get that.

"So the man was given the cup of urine. He took a sip, turned to the manager and said, "Female urine, 26 years old, 2 weeks pregnant and if I'm not given this job, sir, I will tell your wife who is responsible for the pregnancy!....The manager fainted.

#KipSmiln'

THE NIGERIAN TEACHER

A Nigerian teacher was sent to china to teach. The first day he entered class, he began by roll-calling.

He said "Sheng.'' A student said ''present.''

He called the second name, “Chu Muon”. Another student said ''present.''

Suddenly, he sneezed, ''Hatchia'', one student seated at the corner stood up and said, ‘‘Present.''

He then exclaimed and said, ''Hmmmm...''all the students shouted ''absent.''

He got confused and said, ''Chaii...'' three students stood up and said, ''which one of us?''

The teacher became more confused and he asked, ‘‘what is wrong?'' A student stood up and said, ‘‘Sir, I’m not wrong, I’m called Wong.''

The teacher confused, now laughed,''hahaha ''..A girl said.'' Present sir.''

The teacher finally fainted.

#KipSmiln'

DON'T TRY IT

Husband and wife agreed that whenever they want to have SEX, they will call it 'PHONE CALL' so that the children won't understand.

One day, Dad sends Son to tell Mum that he wants to make a 'PHONE CALL'.

Mum replies: Tell your Dad that the Network is busy today.

Dad replies: Tell your Mum that the call is urgent, if Network is busy, then am going to a PUBLIC PHONE BOOTH.

Mum replies: Tell him that if he dares goes to Public Phone Booth, I will open a Business Centre and all 'PHONE CALLS' will be FREE.

#KipSmiln'

A TRUE NIGERIAN/AFRICAN MOTHER

 

1) When you say, "Mummy, I'm Sorry!" And she replies, "Sorry for yourself!"

2) When you ask her where you should drop something and she says, “Drop it on my head."

3) When she brings food wrapped in a nylon bag from a party.

4) When you say, ''Mummy, I have fever.” And she replies you, “Why won't you have fever when you press phone every night”

5) When you say, “Mummy I took 2nd in my class.” and she replies, “So the person that took first has two heads abi?”

6) When she takes the DSTV remote to work, just to punish you.

7) When you are watching television with her and then she sleeps off and still doesn’t want you to change the channel.

8) When you tell her you are going to a friend's place to play and she asks, ''When last did that friend come here to play with you?

9) When she asks you if the food she served you is enough, and you reply no, and she says, come and take out of mine

10) When she tells you, if I hear Peem, you will hear Ween.

11) When she touches hot pot comfortably without a cloth or paper.

12) When she tells you, ''I didn't kill my mother, so you will not kill me''.

13) When she calls you from your room upstairs and then sends you back upstairs to bring her purse.

14) When you ask her to refund the money you lent her and she tells you, "All the food you have been eating in the house nko? Which money did you think was used in buying them?''

And the list goes on and on...

Our Mothers are just to wonderful.

#KipSmiln'

PLEASE DON’T MAKE A WOMAN CRY!

There is nothing as expensive as a lady’s tears. When a single drop of tear comes out, it first mixes with L’OREAL eye liner (#7,500) and REVLON mascara (#8,500).

As it rolls down the cheek, it mixes with ESTEE LAUDER foundation (#11,000) ZARON blush (#15,000) and MAC powder (#19,000).

Finally, when it touches the lips, it gets mixed with MAYBELLINE lipstick (#12,000) and AVON lip gloss (#5,000).

A single drop of a lady’s tear is running for about #78,000 minimum.

PLEASE DON’T MAKE HER CRY.

But you can make a man cry, it's just only Vaseline (#150), with or without powder (#200). Total for men being (#350). And most often, it even nothing at all.

#KipSmiln'

GREAT MANAGEMENT SKILLS

DAD: Son, you have to get married...I have seen a girl for you.

SON: Not possible!!!

DAD: Think twice son, she is Bill Gates' daughter!!

SON: Ok DAD, I am ready.

(Dad goes to Bill Gates)

DAD: My son wants to marry your daughter!

BILL GATES: Not possible!

DAD: Think twice, my son is the CEO of Swiss Bank.

BILL GATES: I am ready.

(Dad goes to Swiss Bank Authorities)

DAD: Make my son the CEO of your Bank!

AUTHORITIES: Not possible.

DAD: Think twice, he is Bill Gates' Son-in-law.

AUTHORITIES: Your son's job is confirmed!

*This is what is called management skills*

#KipSmiln'

THE ROBBERY

During a robbery, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank:

"Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you."

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept”, changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her:

"Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional”. Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got."

The older robber rebutted and said:

"You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience”. Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him:

"Wait! Let us take out N10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the N70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called "Swim with the tide”. Converting an unfavourable situation to your advantage!

 The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month." 

This is called "Changing priority”, Personal Happiness is more important than your job”.

The next day, the TV news reported that N100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count N20 million.

The robbers were very angry and complained:

"We risked our lives and only took N20 million. The bank manager took N80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!"

#KipSmiln'