HOW DID THEY PACK THIS?

WHAT DO YOU THINK

A new science teacher walks into the classroom.
Akpos asks the new teacher "Excuse me ma, if you mix Omo and Klin, will there be foam?"
Teacher responds "Yes of course, why ask such a silly question at the beginning of the year, you going to pass this class at all?"
Akpos laughs and whispers to the other kids, "such a dull teacher, how can you get foam without adding water, are we going to learn anything at all from this teacher?"

JUST ONE

One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream
One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.

One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal
One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.
One step must start each journey.
One word must start each prayer.
One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.

OLX GIRLS

MONKEY BOY

Akpos goes off to Delta State University Abraka. Half way through the semester, he squanders his money foolishly. He calls his father at home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Delsu that will teach our dog, monkey-boy, how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says . "How do I get Monkey-boy into the program?"

Akpos smiling said... "Just send him down here with N10,000". "I'll get him into the course dad."
So, his father sends the dog and N10,000. About two weeks to end the semester, the money again runs out. Akpos calls home again.
"So how's Monkey-boy (the dog"s name is monkey-boy)
doing son?" his father asks. "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says ... "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get monkey-boy in that program?"
Akpos smiling said "Just send N20,000, I'll get him into the class."
The money promptly arrives. But Akpos then had a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
So he killed the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
"Where's monkey-boy? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," Akpos says, "I have bad news. Yesterday morning, just before we wanted to drive home, monkey-boy was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading Vanguard Newspaper, like he usually does.
Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing' around with that woman who lives in town?" The father exclaimed, "I hope you killed that son of a Naughty Lady before he talks to your Mother!"

POST ANYTHING POSTABLE

LITTLE BOY'S PRAYER AT DINNER

Little boy's prayer
At dinner, a little boy offered to lead in prayer.

"Dear Lord," he started, "Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sisters clothes and wrestled with her on her bed and made her cry."

"This coming winter," he continued, ignorant of all the stares he was receiving,"Please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my dad's blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work"

...AMEN!.... and there was silence.

LOVE CALL

Lady: hello, goodevening, thanks for calling MTN customer care service, my name is Judith, what's your name and where are you calling from .

Me: hello, good evening, my name is shegsky, and i'm calling from ibadan

Lady: How may i help you, shegsky?

Me: i'm looking for a wife to marry...

Lady: is that why you called this customer care service?

Me: Yes, and i think i'm already in love with You...you know you have a very nice voice...

Lady: Hellooo, please, we only attend to issues about your MTN line, owkay...

Me: yes o... This is an issue about my MTN line too...because i spend much credit calling so many girls asking them about marriage.

Lady: please, I would have to put an end to this call...

Me: Baby don't talk like that now. I promise to make you happy... you would be happy with me... can I have your number?

Lady: *raises her voice* come, mr man, I think something is wrong with you...

Me: *cutt in*... Hey, hold it there... I hope you can now feel how frustrating it is to receive a call and hear rubbish? From today, warn yourself and every other staff there..let nobody call me with a funny number only for it to be an advert or send me those nonsense messages you guys disturb my phone with daily like say am dating MTN... Thunder wey go fire you still dey do NYSC

QUESTIONS FOR YOU

Here are three questions for you. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, just answer off the top of your head.

**First Question**
You are participating in a race.
You overtake the second person.
What position are you in?
Answer:
First?
Wrong!
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If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!


**Second Question:**
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
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Answer:
If you answered that you are second to last, then you're wrong again.
It's impossible to overtake the last person.

**Third Question:**
This must be done in your head only.
Don't use paper and pencil or a calculator.
Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000
Now add.
10. What is the total?
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Answer.
Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don't believe it?
Check with your calculator!

IF THE ISREALITES WERE NIGERIANS

If The children of Israel were Nigerians! While crossing d red sea, they would've wasted the whole day in the middle of the sea taking 'pictures' and uploading on Facebook and Twitter with comments like:

1. Chilling with Moses.

2. Miracle things on point.

3. Crossing mode activated!

4. Cruising in the red sea.

5. Pharaoh no fit catch us.

6. Omo see fish flexing.

7. Fish for sale, ping for delivery.

8. Flexing with Uncle Aaron.

9. Swimming mode activated!

10. Me and my boo on fish hunting.ETC

True or False?

CONFUSED STUDENTS

Akpos was once employed in a school and he went to class to teach.
The first day.
Akpos: Good morning students
Students: Good morning sir!
Akpos: I'm going to be your new teacher, do you know what we have this morning?

Students: No sir!
Teacher: Since u don't know, there's no point of teaching u.

Akpos went and came the following day.
Akpos: Good morning students
Student: Good morning sir.
Akpos: Do u know what we have this morning? Out of fear of the previous day,
Stuednts: "yes sir".
Akpos: Since u already know, there's no point teaching u again.

The third day.
Akpos came to class.
Akpos: Do u know what we are having this morning?
Out of confusion some said
Yes, while some said No.
Akpos: Alright then, let those that know teach those who don't know.

WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON??

Teacher: If a lion is chasing you, what would you do?

Akpos: I'd climb a tree.

Teacher: If the lion climbs a tree?

Akpos: I will jump in the lake and swim.

Teacher: If the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you?

Akpos: Teacher, are you on my SIDE or on the lion's?

"THE SECRET" WEEKLY DEVOTIONAL 16-03-2015.

"And I will provide a place for my people and will plant them so that they can have a home of their own and no longer be disturbed. Wicked people will not oppress them anymore, as they did at the beginning" - 2 Samuel 7:10

       Many of us have experienced oppression, afflictions or embarrassment in different ways and from different types of people - people we live on one way or the other or people we owe. E.g. our boss at work, our lecturer, our landlord etc, and as much as they oppress us, we still tend to serve them and live on them all because of what we get from them.

       This morning, THE SECRET being revealed to us is the promise that God does not want us to be afflicted. He wants you to be free, independent and enjoy life. Therefore, He has provided a place of your own for you so as to be free from all frustrations, afflictions and embarrassment. You were not made to be a tenant, employee, follower, borrower, etc forever. God has everything of your own prepared for you - a house/home, car, company, family, buoyant bank account etc.

     Your time of weeping and affliction is over. God is set to establish you in all ways, for you to enjoy yourself and be a blessing to others and at the end, people will see you and glorify Him in your life. 

      Know THE SECRET, believe/have faith in IT and work towards IT whole heartedly and IT will surely work for you this week and forever. 

    Have a splendid week ahead.

#KipSmiln'

www.kipsmiln.blogspot.com

Facebook page/group: kip smiln' concepts

Twitter: @kipsmiln

"THE SECRET" WEEKLY DEVOTIONAL 09-03-2015.

"The LORD will perfect that which concerns me...." - Psalm 138:8a.

     Someone once said, "If it is big enough to bother you, it is big enough to bother God, though our God sees and understands better than we do." Many of us do not deserve God's attention and are not even worthy to be noticed by Him, but by his mercy, He has adopted us into his family and made us his children. And like children, we ought to bring Him our concerns, both large and small, knowing that He will perfect them, simply because He loves us. 

      He has started the good works in you, and he will definitely perfect it. He will not just tell you to go, without backing you up and giving you necessary things you need. He has brought you this far, and will not just leave you half way, He is definitely going to take you to that great throne designed for you.

     Know this, "God doesn't have to perfect 'everything' about you, BUT only that which 'concerns' you - that which you really need". Understand this, that it is not all you want that you need. Often, many of us don't get what we want,  because we ask for irrelevant things or place them higher than the necessary ones (like a little child asking his/her parent for a personal car). But our father knows all that we need per time, and will answer/perfect all our requests.

     Think of an building and a fully completed one, which do you appreciate better? God knows how wonderful and beautiful our lives will be when he perfects the necessary things and He is ready to do that. Just surrender (all) to Him as the only one who can perfect everything about you, have faith in Him, obey His commandment and hold Him to His word of fulfilling all promises He has made and surely, He will perfect everything that concerns you - your life, work, career, finance, health, maritals etc and will also give you a complete miracle/testimony.

     Know THE SECRET, believe/have faith in IT and work towards IT whole heartedly and IT will surely work for you this week and forever. 

    Have a perfect week ahead.

#KipSmiln'

www.kipsmiln.blogspot.com

Facebook page/group: kip smiln' concepts

Twitter: @kipsmiln

"THE SECRET" WEEKLY DEVOTIONAL 02-03-2015.

"THE SECRET" WEEKLY DEVOTIONAL  02-03-2015.

"And I will shake all nations, and the desire of all nations shall come: and I will fill this house with glory, saith the Lord of Hosts." - Haggai 2:7.

     One thing I have come to notice about God's promise and blessing to mankind is that the blessing is always international, recognised globally, unique and outstanding. Just as it was for Abraham (which wasn't just an international blessing, but also blessing running from generation to generation), so was that of Isaac, Jacob, Joseph etc. Also, when He wants to bless, He doesn't look at the background, status, qualification, etc, and no matter how bad ones situation can be, He can transform it for good.

     THE SECRET revealed to us for this week makes us know that as much as God transformed the life of Abraham, Joseph, Moses etc and gave them international recognition, so also is He ready to grant blessings of nations to us. Don't underrate/look down on yourself, many have come from nobody to become somebody. Joseph, David, Esther etc are a few example. When the nations are shaken for your sake, you will enjoy blessings, wealth, worldwide recognition etc just as Solomon did.

     And as the nations are shaken for you, so also will God transform your life for good (especially on those things/areas you've lost hope on), return all your lost glory, and fill you, your home, work, finances, relationship, family etc with glory and you shall become someone to be reckoned with for good - an international celebrity.

     All these are very much possible, and can be yours, if only you trust and obey Him. He has said it, and surely He will do it.

     Know THE SECRET, believe/have faith in IT and work towards IT whole heartedly and IT will surely work for you this week and forever. 

    Happy New Month. Have a celebrated, glorified month/week ahead.

#KipSmiln'

www.kipsmiln.blogspot.com

Facebook page/group: kip smiln' concepts

Twitter: @kipsmiln