EXAMINATION!!!!

2nd Semester Exams For All Departments

Course: Love Mathematics.

All questions carry equal marks.

Time allowed: 2hrs, 30 minutes.

1. If a girl is in love for 3 years and at the end, the guy breaks up with her, WHAT is the formula for calculating such love and time wasted?
2. As a guy, you dated more than 7 chicks at a time. Using the Almighty Formula, CALCULATE the expenses and loss in handling all of them?
3. STATE 5 differences between Orobo (fat) girls and Lepa (skinny) girls.
4. With the aid of a labelled diagram, DRAW and EXPLAIN the term "Ukwu".

(Question 5- For girls only)

5. Using Laws of indices, CALCULATE the disappearance of your boyfriend whenever you demand for an iPhone 6

(Question 6- For boys only.)

6. You send an airtime worth #1500 to your girlfriend and she sends you a 'Please call me I Love You' text. CALCULATE the profit and Loss of the airtime being sent and use the proportional ratio to attain the equation.
7. You broke up with your girl because of Christmas gifts, etc. Using quadratic equation, CALCULATE how long it'll take you to get her back in January.
8. As a guy, you are dating other people's sister, but you don't want any other guy to date your sister. CALCULATE the percentage of your foolish and wicked behaviour. (Take pie=3.14)
9. When you check a Facebook profile, 99% of guys are single as their marital status states, and 99.9% of the girls are dating, engaged, in a relationship or married. BRIEFLY explain who they are all dating in not less than two sentences.

 N/B- Attempt all question to avoid carry-over!

#Kip Smiln’

EBOLA

A man went to Church on Sunday and gave testimony that he was infected with Ebola and God had healed him. When he had finished, he tried to give the microphone to the next man who also wanted to give testimony but the man refused to take saying, “I don’t have any testimony to give again. Give it to Pastor.”

Pastor said, “I'm not in charge of testimonies so give it to the Senior Pastor.”

Senior Pastor, “Brother in Christ, the microphone is yours. It's a gift from the Church. You may take it home.”

#Kip Smiln’

COMMUNITY SERVICE

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.”

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.”

The grocer was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.”

The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

#Kip Smiln’

WALL OF JERICHO

A new CRK teacher, transferred to a JSS 2 class during the mid-term, wanted to know how well the students understood the syllabus so far. He decided to start from the last topic the previous teacher had taught.

"Hello class, who broke down the walls of Jericho?" he asked.

There was a full minute of absolute silence. All the students just stared at him blankly. The teacher then pointed at the students in the front desk to answer the question. The students began responding.

Amos: "Sir I'm a new student here, I just started this school last week."

John: "Sir the day the walls was broken, I didn't come to school, I swear"

MARY: "Sir I only passed by the walls of Jericho, I didn't even touch it, as it was already broken when I passed it."

Rufus: "Sir, I didn't even know the walls had been broken, until you mentioned it now."

The teacher became so shocked and infuriated, "What!!!" He screamed.

The Students began murmuring amongst themselves that the new teacher is so mean.

The teacher, shocked by their ignorance stormed to the principal’s office to tell him what happened.

The principal kindly responded, "Sorry about that. You know how mischievous these JSS students can be? Always destroying things and later denying it. But be rest assured, this matter would be fully investigated.  Just write down the total cost in fixing the said wall, and at the next PTA meeting the issue would be discussed"

 #Kip Smiln’

WHAT IS...???

Hello... This is Frank Edoho from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Your boy Tosin (toshynoh) is on the Hot Seat, about to answer a question for 5 Million naira and he needs your help right now. So I'm gonna ask you a question and you have 30secs to answer the question..

Q: What is Sim Card called in you dialect ??

You have 30secs. Your time starts now!!!

#Kip Smiln’

ADAM ATE THE APPLE AGAIN.

A woman and a man were involved in a very bad car accident caused by the woman's reckless driving. Both of their cars were demolished but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; “So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God.”

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely damaged, but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

She then hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman collected the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence, to see you as a drunk driver"

Adam ate the apple again! Men will NEVER learn! Women will never change!!!

#Kip Smiln’

"THE SECRET" WEEKLY DEVOTIONAL 13-07-2015.

"I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places..." - Isaiah 45:3a

     February 2014, the lives of a happily married couple changed and became happier just by walking their dog on their newly acquired property, when they spotted a box half buried in the shade of a big tree. On opening the box, they found 1,427 rare mint-condition gold coins inside it all dating from 1847 to 1894. On examination, coin experts say these coins are so rare, they could be sold for about $27,000 apiece or even more.  Who knew something so amazing and life-changing could just be buried in the backyard?

     In the world today, we need the extra ordinary - ideas, opportunities, etc - for us to be outstanding. These so called "extra ordinaries" are all around us - in our backyard, compound, environment, and even in us (that talent you have). But we need divine direction for us to see it, tap into it and make judicious use of it.

     Most often, we are not aware of all these hidden treasures or we even think we cannot get them. THE SECRET is revealing this morning that our God will open our eyes to resources that are still untapped, to opportunities yet to be discovered by others and to potential sources of wealth. He will not only open our eyes to them, he will give them to us. God knows everyone of us and our worth. He knows what we deserve and he is willing to give them to us.

     After getting all he has for us, we shouldn't forget to acknowledge him always as the true provider and the source of everything we have. By so doing, we are showing him that we are grateful and also encouraging him to do more for us

    Know THE SECRET, believe/have faith in IT and work towards IT whole heartedly and IT will surely work for you this week and forever. Have a liberating week ahead.

#KipSmiln'

www.kipsmiln.blogspot.com

Facebook page/group: kip smiln' concepts

Twitter: @kipsmiln

"THE SECRET" WEEKLY DEVOTIONAL 06-07-2015.

"The LORD shall increase you more and more, you and your children." - Psalms  115:14

     It's a brand new day, a brand new week and the journey continues through the second half of the year. God has so much in store for us. HE has been faithful to us in the first half of the year, and he has declared that he will even do more for us in this second half and forever.

     He's set to do things that surpasses the understanding of men. He's ready to do exceedingly more than we could ever imagine. He's ready to increase us and our household in every aspect - life, career, finance, etc. He is ready to add to us, do new things and also perfect the good ones he has started.

     Remember, THE SECRET says "...you and your children" which means you will not be barren because the increase flows down to your children.

    As you journey through this week, march on as the bigger version of you and thank God ahead for the all around increase.

    Know THE SECRET, believe/have faith in IT and work towards IT whole heartedly and IT will surely work for you this week and forever. Have an increasing week ahead.

#KipSmiln'

www.kipsmiln.blogspot.com

Facebook page/group: kip smiln' concepts

Twitter: @kipsmiln